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| Broken hearts, bull shit, a wedding, and I'm leavi
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So he's decided that he doesn't want to sit back and let me watch him die. He left, but he'll be back to visit one last time. I don't know if I can take having him come back knowing it will be the last time I'll ever see him. I know beyond reasonable doubt that I'll never convince him otherwise, and it breaks my heart. I'm still leaving though, there's not much left here for me. I feel like my heart's been ripped out and taken away. Of course I understand his choice. I do, I do. It doesn't hurt any less though. I know it's a hard decision for him to make since he feels the same about me. It's probably breaking his heart too... and it probably doesn't help that I spent an hour on the phone (since he already left) begging him not to do this. I don't know what I'm going to do without my best friend. Death I can take, uncertainty however will drive me insane with grief. Knowing he's alive and I can't see him or talk to him... waiting to see that someone found him dead. Having to tell his mother... and hell his son that he's never coming home again. Neither of them know. I tried to convince him that he should tell them, but he refuses.
We have been talking about having a little wedding. Nothing legally binding, just something to bind us to each other. He's my best friend and I love the living fuck out of him. We're getting our rings tattooed on which is probably not the best idea, but I may make a concession by not putting it on my ring finger at least. He's also designing his memorial tattoo. I wish him a quick and painless death in the end, that's all I can really do I suppose.
What I really wish is that he would change his mind. I feel like his cancer is eating me too.
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Posted by kikicutey on 2008-01-31 07:17:01 | Rating: | Views: 119
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