Feeling depressed tonight so I'll just write in black. I miss her so much. We didn't expect her death to just jump on us so suddenly. After all, my grandad was the one who always had problems with my health. My grandma always had a clean bill of health until she developed cancer, which of course, was caused my heavy smoking. I'm never EVER going to fucking go near a ciggerette. *Sigh* Anyway moving on, this music is calming me down a lot, but making me sad at the same time. I'm listening to Copeland - Second star to the left, go on til dawn.

Love it, but it makes me half cry. I also fucking HATE James. I hate the way he makes me feel, why do I always go back to him? Then when I try and cut ties with him, something always brings me back. I wish I could be strong enough to fucking let him go but I'm clearly not. He still clearly has a problem with me and Barry dating, but I don't give a shit. I'm in love with Barry and I've waited for eight very long months for him to finally ask me out. Now I'm happier than ever with my love life and I'm not going to let some dickhead who makes me feel worthless, ruin it for me. Ahh now I've changed the song :] I'm now listening to Allison by Permanent Me. This song makes me really happy and now I'm going to listen to it over and over again.

UGH! GREAT. James just told me hes going into town on Saturday. That means I'll probably bump into him, which I'VE BEEN TRYING TO AVOID! Christ. I've been talking to Tammy since like 2:00am and I helped her ask out the love of her godamn life. I pretty much led her into saying the right stuff haha and she finally sorted it out with him. Hes going to meet up with her and ask her out in person.

Okay godamnit school on the fourth of September. First few weeks will be good but then I'll regret ever going back to the place. That also reminds me, I'll be seeing Ryan for the last time on the 8th of September. Well, until October anyway. I'm going to miss him so fucking much. We've only really became close over the past month, and then he has to fly off to England to go to University. Talk about bad timing or what.

Well. I'll post later if I get bored.