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| My joy if full |
Hey- me here...........
I just wanta rant about Father God, Jesus, the Holy spirit and love, life and me. I sometimes get very excited and feel as if I could fly like and eagle or run like the wind- like a little kid who runs through the house squealing at the top of their lungs. I get very,very excited and the reason is that I have the joy of knowing My God and knowing he knows and loves me. Call me crazy, but knowing that God has revealed himself to me is like electric, it's like a fire burning inside . Joy, joy, joy that is so hard to explain !!! I love being a Christian !!! I have been a seriously depressed suicidal person most of my life and it hard for me to be happy when everything around seems grim. The way people talk now we should all just lay down and die- there is no use trying to fight against things that are bad and getting worse and no possible way changing the flow of everything. Well excuse me while I wander around in a bliss that can not even be put to words. Hallelujah I am happy, joyful, and i could cry and laugh all at the same time. God has changed who I am. From the inside out i am not the person I once was. For so many years I was the victim of my own pity. And of course I have been plagued with depression since I can remember, but where did I put God in all this. Well I don't remember- I must not have given him a very high priority in that old life. Now it is different, I admit I still don't give him all he deserves, but I am working on it !!! I have felt a pulling in my life lately to take a look at myself and see where I can improve. I have found plenty and I have also found more joy- a lot more. It's as if because my God sees a willingness to grow and walk where I have never said yes to before. I love him as much as I know how to. Jesus gave his life away for me and without that sacrifice I would have nothing to live for and no hope of escaping a devils hell ( i.e. made for the devil ) !!! And oh, my God has seen fit to send his precious sweet Holy Spirit to be my comfort and guide. It, when I stop and consider what he has done for me in so many ways, it makes me bow in worship to this God who has made himself known to me. Wonderful, wonderful !!! The God who made heaven and earth loves even me, such a worm as I even !!! It's beyond me to understand, but not to enjoy. He loves me and has given me freedom in him- that is the source of my joy !!! There is much glory I could spill out on these pages to the God I have living in my heart, but I get so tongue tied and my fingers get fumbled up trying to type- i can not begin to tell you of his goodness !!! It overflows my heart with unspeakable joy and brings tears like a river to my eyes. Oh I love him, his name is Holy and Love and I am choosing like Mary, to take the good part and sit at my Masters lovely feet and just love him. I pray that when God looks down he will always find me loving him. He saved my soul and filled me with his spirit. He brought me out of depression black as night into his Holy light. He gave me so much joy inside my heart. I find him everywhere I care to look. And I hear his cry everywhere. I will make it my life's mission to give him all I have and all I am, little though it be. To be in his presence: It's just unexplainable. So much love, just so much love. A love that isn't anything, but PURE !!! He is amazing and beautiful. If you wonder how the true Christian is affected by the sweet presence of our Lord, just listen for a while to any kind of Christian music. If you are a wordly person it will sound completely nuts how much love in our words we pour out on him, but it is his effect on us. It is amazing the love we fill when he draws us. The world thinks that only a man or woman who has caught us in desire is worthy of such words and to make such a big fuss over, but Oh, if you ever get to feel it you will understand. the weight of his glory falling like an ocean of love bows me down and makes me forget this world. It blurs out my problems and as long as I stay in the anointing it is just natural to not worry. When I am in his Holy presence all I even care about is him. It is wonderful and beautiful and had I not experienced it myself I would not think it possible to feel so alive and full of glory, joy, peace, happiness, love. He is my all in all and all I need. This life I am living is not one of extravagant means. In the eyes of the world I am poor, but the Spirit tells em I am RICH and I am!!! In Jesus I find all I ever needed and in that home he is preparing for me I will be a part of the bride of Christ and will forever live in the only wealth I care about- his immediate and always near physical presence. I am giving my life to him everyday a new and he can have all of me. One day I may give him my life for the last time in death to honor his name, instead of live to deny him. I would not live to deny my God and spend eternity in hell for anything you could ever offer me. I pray God gives me the grace to live or die for him as best I can and give him the best of what I have not the leftovers. of course there are times when I still get down and life as a Christian is not a painless joy ride all the time, but he always makes a way. This joy I speak of is not one brought on by things, but by the knowledge of the most high living and loving me. It is a different walk for everyone, but it is most certainly the best rode I have ever walked. Prayer for me is always welcome. God bless all.
P.S. I know there will probably be haters, but hey you can't change what I believe and know to be truth by bashing my faith or sanity. Go ahead and say mean things if it makes you feel better, but I will not be moved !!!
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