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went out, broke down several times in public and i so abhor doing that, most that know me, fine, they understand talk and hug me, others? stand and stare at you, makes you feel a thousand times worst.
saw carol my nurse and she is concerned and knows i am currently in a state where i am down all the time and that my spark is deflated currently and selfesteem is well pretty much zero..
did get two people telling me to 'cheer up', they were not people i knew, why do some think that is helpful i will never know, depression is not something you can cheer up from, its not just a feeling of unhappiness, it is life altering depression, you just cope and have to go with the highs and lows and when on a major low, extend your hand, reach out and hope and pray someone will hold it till that crisis at that moment is calmed.
usually, i am up and down, can have days when i am so bright, but i have to watch myself daily as anything, or my known triggers, can cause me to suddenly get panicked and distraught, can last for a few minutes to a few hours, then i pick up abit. but currently after the events of last four or five months i know i am washed out and i am surrounded by bleak thoughts and worries and all i can do is pray that the light shines quickly for me at the end of the tunnel as i am scared when i really am depressed all the time which i am in mode now and also breaking down every few minutes, you feel a wimp, useless and worthless.
one thing that did relieve me, when i signed in here, someone who i had been very concerned about had updated their blog, they are still here and that is such a relief. she has much courage and strength and i am glad she feels more secure and sees a future. bless you sweetheart, just hold in there.
right, i am off now to go and make a drink and try and stop the stupid tears and also get some pain killers, am in agony.
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Posted by kentlass on 2007-09-27 09:38:40 | Rating: | Views: 359
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Hey pick your head up and smile.
Your not a wimp, your not useless, and definately not worthless. You are a wonderful person. You keep telling yourself that. Depression isn't easy I know Iv'e been there a few times. I lost my husband on August 12, 2001 He was hit by a car. I still get depressed. I know how depression is. You just have to pick your head up and go on. It'll get better.
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Posted by Angelasthoughts
on 2007-09-27 10:19:03
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am trying and also trying to smile. thank you for your kind words hon, not sure i am all those things, but guess thats due to the way i feel and always have done.
hugs you, i am so terribly sorry to about your husband and to lose him in such a tragic way also, hugs you again.
nods, suffered from it all my life so unless someone waves a magic wand, i can only hope for alittle light and strength especially currently and as i said, while i have my mother and dog with me and to look after them, i vow to keep fighting.
bless you so much and please take care of you and look after yourself
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Posted by kentlass
on 2007-09-27 15:09:58
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The ugly ducking couldnt see it was a beautiful swan either until others showed it by their actions and not their words.
Let the darkness wash over you, but grab on and hold tight when the light appears again.
Namaste.
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Posted by scotslad60
on 2007-09-29 07:52:29
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