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i have a very strange feeling this is about to become very addicting... I mean i just wrote one...which was quite awkward, and look i have already begun again
so i moved in February
I moved from a small town called prairieville in Lousyana to Northern California
I didn't know anyone
The only thing I had was my new job
I graduated from college after much hesitation due to fear of the real world
I moved to a city called Fremont, on the East Bay, and now I am moving to Berkeley.
At first it was very difficult
very difficult doesn't really even begin to measure how difficult it was.
I mean Im from a small backward, hick town, and I move to a booming, innovative area of the country.
Nothing is familiar
People are different,
Im lost all the time
Im alone
there really isn't anyone I can rely on
I haven't even begun to mention how challenging my job is (Im a sales rep for a niche company)
I graduated from LSU, and seriously out of 40,000 students I must have known at least 10,000. I was very outgoing in college, and involved in everything! I had friends in every realm you could possibly imagine. I had lived in Florida, and had many friends from all over the world, ...but none in Northern Cali. What are the chances??
So someone as social as I am getting thrown into a situation such as this one takes a lot of adjusting
I guess it kind of put me in my place. I had to rely on who I really was for awhile rather than my reputation, and previous friends.
so I could easily spend hours writing about the last few months, and what I have gone through emotionally and physically; however I would prefer to fast forward and not revisit those times.
They are in the past, and I should move on from them
Every second and every moment in my life has put me in the place I am right now
*description*
sitting on a couch in a hotel room (in portland) with my feet propped up on the coffee table
with scrubs on the TV (however on mute), and A perfect circle's song "The Noose" playing on my laptop.
I have a box of leftover food from outback on the table in front of me, some thank you letters i've written to clients laying beside me, and a stack of business cards staring me in the face...glaring their ugly mug beaming "your not done with work, and instead of doing it, your typing your thoughts into a random webpage for strangers to read" Awesomeness!!
Straight Awesomeness!!
So, about 3 thousand miles away from anyone who cares, or even knows me. You know it's like..i've met people, and made friends...but not so much...they are all more like acquantances, no one I could really open up to or feel myself around. I've only met 2 people I really trust and really care about. That would be Laura and Lauren. I like everyone else I have met, I haven't met anyone I would even complain about or say anything malicious about. Everyone is great. But just not....yah know what I mean...So this makes me review my past friends, and wonder how close we were (are)? Were we just acquantances also, friends due to proximity? I don't think so...I mean some of course were, but who cares about them...we all know we have those indisposable individuals in our lives, maybe some of us are those indisposable people?
I often wonder what life is like without me
not if i were to die
but just how people are back home without me in their lives
i love the random txt, emails, etc...from people
but now it is starting to become difficult to continue friendship
b/c
The things I am doing in my life aren't the same things they are doing in their life
Its difficult to explain to a lot of people (who have never left their homes) what im doing what Im experiencing..etc...
The most difficult thing of it all (here we go)
when I have a bad day or when stuff goes wrong, just anytime Im upset over anything...
So here is the problem
I just moved here, so i don't want to burden my new acquantances with my issues
I don't want to overwhelm my (2) friends with my issues
and I definately
don't want to call my friends from back home-they just tell me: "kels come home if things are so rough"
I don't want to give up, I don't want to go home. I want to endure, I want to persist, i want to succeed.
Going home would be failing
it would be what a weak person would do, because it is the easy way out, and thats not me.
well I guess thats a small taste..buen provecha
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Posted by kelseasrum on 2008-06-02 23:14:18 | Rating: | Views: 73
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