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This is my first blog. I have spent the last few days reading nonstop. I have discovered what I would call "kindred souls" in a few of you. It's crazy how the human soul can crave the same thing...love, intimacy, peacefulness and of course self fulfillment. I believe that there is not ONE human being that can give us those things...we have to find them within ourselves. I've been married 15 years to a wonderful man. He's kind, loving, handsome, and charming...but he doesn't reach my soul. He doesn't have a clue how. I sit, hold his hand and talk to him, tell him what I need from him emotionally, and it's almost like he's programed to bounce back off the couch as soon as the conversation starts. So years ago I took up poetry and many other forms of art...I'd express myself that way, and have become very successful at it. I felt I had soooo much emotion inside and no where to put it. But now I'm back to this place where I feel the need again...the need to become more...to do more...to want more...I want him to be my partner in this with me, the problem is I know I can't bash my head in trying to get through to him....Is it me??? I just think God gave me a gift, I need to make the best of it, but I need him emotionally as well as physically, and I feel as though this beautiful dream and need of becoming something great together is a waste of my time. If I want it, it will end up being MY dream, and I'll create it on my own, and that is heartbreaking to me.
When I talk to him about it, he clams up and says..."Just tell me what you want me to do." But it's not about me TELLING him. I want him to FEEL how important it is too me. Not like it's a grocery list. He doesn't get it and he never will.
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Posted by keepdreaming on 2008-01-16 10:09:23 | Rating: | Views: 109
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This is part of what ruined my marriage and ended it so I commend you for having more srength than I did.
The trouble was...I need the emotional stuff even more than the physical stuff (though they are both important to me).
It's not being with someone, turning over in bed and not being alone that I crave, its being told by someone they love me, for no reason, a kiss and a cuddle, those things and loving glances that seem so insignificant but can lift your mood.
My husband didn't understand that and it cost us the marriage.
I'm with someone now who fulfills both sides of it, physical and emotional.
I am of the belief that alot of it comes from within, a large amount from your significant other, and also from all the other important people in your life who you love and need for different reasons.
It's hard to find the healthy balance, because it's so rare, but I am the closest I have ever been right now and I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
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Posted by chebtastic1
on 2008-01-16 10:18:49
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I'm so happy for you. That is wonderful! Don't EVER forget what it was like before...That way you will always appreciate what you have now! God Bless!
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Posted by keepdreaming
on 2008-01-16 10:27:26
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After reading the comment you left Difficult Soul decided to check out your blog.
Sometimes love means giving each other space and pursuing a passion or interest on your own. Being married doesn't require giving up who you are. God will bring others into your life to support and cheer you on.
Some men, for whatever reason, can't or don't know how to open up emotionally. He most likely wants to (his statement "tell me what you want me to do" conveys that) but he doesn't have a clue how to go about doing that. Give him a little space. The more you push the more he will retreat. It's unkind to ask someone to do something they can't. It would be like getting upset and angry because a tiny baby can't walk. Ask him what his passions and dreams are ... Maybe he is longing to pursue something on his own. My favorite quote on love says it a bit more eloquently.....
"Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls ... stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow..." Khalil Gibran
Peace
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-02-02 23:58:12
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Thank You ColoradoDreamin...That was incredibly profound and beautifully put. That is one quote I will always remember!!!
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Posted by keepdreaming
on 2008-02-03 21:00:46
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Keepdreaming
We sure have alot in common from what I can see. WOW
I have the same type of husband he just seems to support anything I do, I was pissed off about that for a while and now I have learned how lucky I am to have such support.
I am creating my life and he is walking beside me to support it. He needs to be told exactly what I need from him but he is willing to do it. I use to think that was a weakness and now I see it as a huge strength. We need the leaders and the followers to make this world go round. What if we were all leaders? What if we were all followers? Nothing would ever get done.
Tell your husband exactly what you want because they just dont know, we cant give them hints, it just doesnt work that way for some. Be specific.
Peace
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2008-02-04 10:09:42
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So what you are saying in a deep and meaningful way TrevorJohn is "we wear the pants"? :) I LIKE YOU!! But don't we deserve that open pathway into eachothers hearts??? After all if a husband a wife can't walk freely in to visit eachothers hearts, who do we share that relationship with?? Do we settle with not having that in our lifetime???
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Posted by keepdreaming
on 2008-02-04 14:32:09
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In this life we each walk alone to a degree. Have your own poetry that soothes your soul, and one day he will follow your heart of more understanding......ColoradoDreaming made a wonderful point........
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Posted by Hollis
on 2008-02-05 00:05:22
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ColoradoDreaming is powerful with words! Love to read her comments!
Anyway I answered your question in the next blog you wrote, personal conversation!
Peace
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2008-02-05 11:50:42
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