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i feel so violated!
ok not really. i dont feel that violated. when i started this blog up i knew people would read it. duh its the internet and i posted the website on my facebook page. i knew strangers would read it and i knew my friends would read it. i did not realize, however, that my ex boo would read it. i just found out today that he has been reading it. i really didnt think he payed that much attention to me. at first i felt very exposed to know he had been reading my most intimate thoughts and feelings. but after thinking about it for a little while i have decided that i am actually quite flattered that he has been reading it. the fact he found it on my facebook page and has actually been trying to keep up with it makes me feel like he cares. it feels a little wierd to be typing this up when i am almost positive he will read it but i will try to forget that he reads my blog.

can we start with me filling you in? i told you we broke up. and than we started this whole "causal dating" thing where he basically got laid and got someone around so he wasn't lonely without actually having the commitment of a girlfriend. so two weeks of that. and than he hits on one of my best friends. yeah i know. omg i haven't been so pissed in so long. ok he didnt actually hit on her. he just got really wasted and expressed interest in dating her. so its been a crazy week. and now he is telling me all this stuff about maybe wanting to get back together and whatnot (i wont go into the details for his sake) and i just dont know. i dont know what to do. i want to give us another chance because i dont want to pass something up that could turn out to be something really terrific just because i am scared of getting hurt. but at the same time i am getting so tired of being hurt. and looking like an idiot bc i keep falling for the same bs over and over again. and i dont even know if it will be worth it. i mean we date again and what? discover we aren't going to work out two months from now? so i have just wasted more of my time and gotten hurt yet again over nothing. bc at this point in my life and with everything we have been through, just being together and having fun isnt enough. i need to know we will acutally go somewhere if i am going to put all my time and energy and heart into this again.

i dont know what i am going to do. and i dont really want to talk to my friends about it bc they will all have an opinion on what i should do. and i dont want their opinion. i need to figure this out on my own. i will have to live with the decision i make so i need to make sure its the right one. i just wish i could have a sign to point me in the right direction. something small that would happen that would just make me suddenly realize i should walk away or try again. maybe the whole "hit on my best friend" thing was my sign? i dont know. i just know i need to think very carefully before i make a decision. i am sick of getting hurt by this guy. and worse i cant blame it on him anymore bc i am the one who keeps going back for more. oh boy. wish me luck!

Posted by keeblerchickie on 2008-05-04 21:35:19 | Rating: | Views: 55


Comments


Posted by
crashing_down
on 2008-05-04 21:52:42
 
Good luck keeblerchickie! I hope you work out what you need to do. I think you already know though 'cause of what you said in your last two lines. I was thinking of a quote a wise friend told me while I was reading your post and then you pretty much paraphrased it at the end of your blog. The quote - "If someone screws you over once its their fault. If they screw you over twice its your fault".
 
 

Posted by
Spook
on 2008-05-04 21:57:49
 
I say forget that dumb dude who got laid. That fact alone shows that he doesn't care. If he really cared, he would've saved himself for you. You deserve better. His body deserves better than to be treated like a trash can and it's his fault for doing that. You should move on.
 
 

Posted by
Spook
on 2008-05-04 21:59:37
 
I didn't mean to hurt you, but someone has to give you an honest opinion and this is mine.
 
 

Posted by
keeblerchickie
on 2008-05-05 13:55:02
 
when i said he was getting laid, i meant by me. not someone else.
 
 

Posted by
hillery
on 2008-05-06 12:14:52
 
heey
i say leave him!
if you wouldnt cheat on him then why do you stay with him when he cheats on you.. the ay i see it people that cheat shouln't be in relationships, they obv. want to be single, but i think you should talk to him and make him promise that he won't cheat again, and make sure he knows that if he hurts you once more IT OVER! lol, im not telling you what to do.. just some advice, been there done that kindof thing
*hillery<3
 
 

Posted by
hillery
on 2008-05-06 12:16:00
 
ohh lol i just read that
if he's only dating you to get some action dump his ass, he sounds like a jeerk, sounds like he doesnt even like you romantically, only to get a piece of ass.. DUMP HIS ASS
 
 


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keeblerchickie
Illinois ( Northern ), United States

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