Thoughts.com Blogs - all figured out.

problem: the past two days have made me feel like we are slipping right back into everything that we were trying to avoid. everything that made me unhappy in the last month of our relationship is happening all over again the past two days. there is this cubs game on tuesday that he wants to go to. our group of friends is going and i am not into baseball. last week he was hell bent on me going with him. i didn't want to and can't really afford to be doing things like this but he is so set on how much fun it would be if i went and blah blah blah. and this week what i hear is "you can go or not go. i'll have fun either way." so now he doesn't care if i go or not? seriously? if i dont like baseball and you are the reason i am going than what the fuck? do you want me to go or not? i feel us slipping right back into the whole relationship, couple thing. and i wanted to take this slow. i told him that. but now i feel rushed.

solution: i am not going to the game. i am taking a step back from us and giving us both our space. i encourage him to go to the game. and i really hope he has fun. i know how much he loves the cubs. i will either pick up a work shift or make plans with a couple other friends. maybe the two of us can have a movie night on wednesday and he can tell me all about the game. also i dont trust him anymore. for the past couple weeks i have told him this and he has wanted to know what he can do to get my trust back. this game will bring us one step closer to that. my friend that he hit on a couple weeks ago will be there. they will be going to bars and drinking before the game. he wont see me that day. i wont be there. so here is his chance to prove i mean something to him and i can trust him. if he makes a move on her or something along those lines, than i know we will never be more than friends and that i don't mean that much to him. If the day goes uneventfully and he has fun and everything is cool than i will be one step closer to being able to trust him again and it will show me that he really does care about me. It will show me that he is sincere about wanting to give us another go and that he is committed to this.

i'll keep you updated!