We've been having the same type problem in our relationship.. so it seems. I am in need of emotion.. and he could do with less. How do we ever come to a compromise? We've been married for a little over 16 months now.. and i do feel that I love him beyond anything else.. but i can't shake the idea that maybe.. we're just not right. we are two totally different people. I know that everyone says that that makes the perfect couple.. that we should compliment each other. But when it comes down to it.. we just never get each other. We both find ourselves agreeing for the sake of time and energy.

Two years ago. I would never have thought that i would be in this relationship. To me.. marrying him was a good idea.. I mean. He's never gave up on me. Always have tried to talk to me over the years. Telling me he loved me when i wouldnt even give him the time of day. I thought. this is perfect. All my life i've gone after a certain guy. a guy i picked. and its never worked out. so here was this guy.. that over a coarse of 3 years.. wouldve died to be with me.. i decided this was what i needed. someone who was out there for me. and wouldnt give up.

He left me tonight. To be with his friends. after the fight we had last night. after me telling him that i love being with him. no matter what he's doing. he doesnt understand.. not sure if he ever will. How did I ever get to the point where I can't be without him.. but he CAN without me.? Its real frusterating because I can't quite come up with the words to explain to him exactly how i feel. How did I become so dependent?

I think about leaving ALL the time. Just to give up. and start over. without him. But its more complicated now.. We now have Jayli. and shes the love of our lives. and I love him too much not to want us to be a family.. that i can put my feelings aside.. and live in this bubble. besides him.. EVERYDAY it gets worst.. with EVERY problem. my desire to leave becomes more prominent.

I wish that we both werent so stubborn. I wish I could stop crying. I wish I could enjoy being alone. I wish he would come home. I wish I could tell him all this. I wish he would understand. I wish I could understand. I wish it didnt hurt like it does. I wish I stand up to him. I wish so much for us.

its midnight.. and he isn't home yet. there was no kiss. no hug. no explanation.. no nothing.. he leaves me knowing i just fall apart when hes gone.