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i seem to write of love and all the feelings that follow me in my love directions. i dont know why but im not so sure whati should be thinking. you let me sleep on the couch tonight?? what? why would you think of leaving me to watch meaningless tv, come out to check on me hours later and not bring me into bed with you when you see i'm sleeping? I set up a night of elegance for us. candle lit dinner.. set out some wine and dinner all for a surprise. i dont get it. earlier we were so in love talking about our loives and then it all justshot down hill.. nothing was better. everything came to a hault. i can't have you alone one night. there is always someone calling you for some important reason for them but on a night like tonight what was more important? petty work drama took center stage. i took second place on a night at one point i felt like i was the only girl in the world. only for an hour or so though as the scene quickly changed. i was left alone to choose the movie we were to watch while you laughed it up with someone who had called waking you and i out of bed before. you had to call her though. unbelieveable. on the night i planned romance i got an hour of it. an hour. i'm crushed but your sleeping away peacefully while i lay sleepless on the cold leather couch still in my days clothes wondering why i couldn't have a night with you un interrupted. i dont even want to stay. i feel sad and wish i was alone home in my bed left to hurt on my own. i guess the only thing i can do is get used to endless calling and texting from everyone around. i will always expect it from now on. i just wanted to love you all night and here i am well past 2 am sitting alone and damaged. i should know better. i should be used to it by now. this whole ting is so stupid but i just cant seem to make myself crawl into that bed with you. i dont seem to want to. in all reality i just want to go home but having had wine and the bars are closing around now i dont feel safe driving home if i happen to get pulled over. so here i sit writing a melody that doesn't rhyme. i don't understand our relatonship yet. you have been away for 4 months and i'm not used to all this. inside i feel like i'm almost just going crazy or something. on edge mostly. that is scaring me. sitting here in my own misery isn't doing me much good and going to bed this way i know i'll wake up in the same slumpy mood as i left today in. i suppose i'm left only to find my place on the couch all night upset and sleepless or i can take a deep breath, cry out some pain of my romance night stomped on, and take my position silently in bed next to the man i love. i guess i'm just burned. things just cant escape my brain. i feel like i don't even know what to think anymore. not like i've settled but like my mind has already been made up. i'm just ranting and none of this should make any sense but sometimes its just good for me to write out how i feel that exact moment in time no matter how jumbled or inconsistent it may be. i'm off to hopefully get some sleep since i will spend my saturday working. goodnight and may your days be filled with knowledgable words and interesting characters.
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Posted by kcchaseme17 on 2008-05-10 04:22:02 | Rating: | Views: 38
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