I start councilling on the 22nd, and am supposed to be going back to school. I was in second chance but they told me to go to Lifetime Learning this semester , instead of staying in second chance like I was supposed to. Lifetime Learning is the only other place I can write the PLAR test , and I most definately need to. But I am so lost and confused, I don't know where to start , besides calling them and stuff like that. There is so much shit on my plate and I know all I can do is take one step at a time. I've lost patience and myself, struggling to find something that'll put me at ease. I have no idea who I am, but all I know is that I am beautiful and blunt lol. I shouldn't have to look for admiration from others, but instead admire myself. It is time that I do what I want to do , the way I want to do it, without considering others feelings when I shouldn't .  Because everytime I have done it , it has only left me hurt in the end --
There are mistakes I haven't yet learned from, that I wish I could turn back and undo. Still they bother me to this day, all I need to do is come to understand the things I don't. Love the ones I know won't turn their backs. And trust my intuition even when I'd usually ignore it. This is the beginning of a new life for me and I can only make the best of it. Most wouldn't want to go through councilling , anger management, and substance abuse programs to understand why they feel or behave the way they do. They feel as if they don't need it and that they are fine and dandy shit like that, but if you've had abuse or trauma of any kind in your life ; I feel you should go and talk to a councillor!!!!  Because all of those things affect how you treat yourself, let alone others around you.

I jump to conclusions, question things, and fear putting my trust in people. I feel better physically or emotionally hurting someone when they get me angry, even if over something stupid. There are alot of things I do that I need to stop doing, and instead let the real me show without behaving the way I do. 
I know I am better than this animal I have become the last few years, slowly but surely I've become better than ever. I can only go up from here, and days can only get brighter. 

I've seen the darkest of times, wiped away the tears I've cried. And to this day I am wondering, why?????? I believe that everything happens for a reason but couldn't I of made me, me a different way? 
like if I would of kept my head buried in books instead of wanting to make a ton of friends.
I feel like I am missing out on what most teenagers my age are experiencing. But at the same time I know that I've grown up alot faster than others. I guess people like me just like to take risks and learn things the hard way when life should be easy :)
Instead it leaves you scarred, bruised, lost, confused, and just all out damaged in any way possible. But you can heal yourself, put yourself back together, piece by piece , section by section, until the picture is crystal clear. The image of a person you've met but don't remember, someone who is now a stranger to you and has been for so long, standing before your very eyes. the REAL you!