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Disconnection

I don't know why
but all the sudden i am frustrated
with so many people.
for a while, everything was going okay.
but...i don't know what happened.
i hate it when connections break...or shatter or something...when they don't...connect like they used to.
it makes me sad when people i love do not want to spend time with me.
if you say you love me, then love me. and love me by being with me.
true friends are there for you and are excited when they get to see you.
they don't suggest hanging out with you and then blow you off
and say they were sick. you can communicate when you're sick.
that isn't even really the point.
the point is i feel disconnected. i'm like a jigsaw puzzle piece that you can't figure out where it goes.
and i don't mean to be rude or cranky
i just want everyone to be happy
but i want them to really be my friends
it's not a control thing and it's not an attention thing
it's sitting down and talking to each other about life
and it's the people you can go to when something's wrong.
and it's just so hard for me to go to people when something's wrong sometimes
i want to be able to talk to people but...i don't know.
sometimes things are just so screwed up and i don't want people to know
the dirty little secrets going on.
people judge sometimes. not even on purpose.
and i think everyone is just so used to me being the listener that they don't expect me to have anything to say.
when in reality....i can't say anything without crying. because when it comes out, it all comes out.
and even my best friends...as much as i love them, and that's so incredibly much, i don't think they would be ready for that. i know that they would try but...

anyway, this turned out so much longer than i expected. and it wasn't supposed to be all emo.
i just wish people would try to connect with me, instead of making me work so hard.
i wish one person in particular would stop with the yo-yoing me
and take a little time and just come be with me.
for even 30 minutes.
but apparently...i'm just not important enough anymore.