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| The rules for sleeping with a man
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I got married about a year ago after being with my now-husband for 6 years. I think we’re going to end up getting divorced though and it’s all going to be because of the air conditioner in our bedroom.
To explain, we have a small bedroom with a large window that doesn’t open and an air conditioner above the bed.I am one of those freaky people who have ridiculously low blood pressure and therefore am always cold. I need a jumper if the temperature even looks like going anywhere below 20 degrees Celsius, which is great for living in Brisbane's climate and in these times of so-called global warming (which by the way, isn’t that just the biggest joke of all time? I mean, it was freakin’ cold here last winter. Definitely not feeling any warmer to me! Next they’ll be trying to tell us that the earth is round and that men can go to the moon!)
So anyway, I have low blood pressure, my husband has high blood pressure (not sure if there’s a correlation there...) so he is constantly sweating. He has really pale skin too, so he doesn’t go out in the sun much or he turns into a walking melanoma (I can hear you thinking “Gee, she’s found the pick of the gene pool here!” Sweaty, pale, high blood pressure...)
So he always wants the air conditioner in the bedroom switched on and set at the arctic-breeze temperature of 17 degrees. So there I am, in the middle of summer wearing flannelette PJs, socks, sheet, blanket, doona, extra doona, beanie etc and he’s in boxer shorts and still sweating! I don’t want to roll over and cuddle him because it’s like touching a corpse covered in Nickelodeon slime.
To top it all off, he insists on lying under a doona! I do not understand how someone can be comfortable and actually enjoy sleeping with a breeze blowing in your face that freezes your snot and lying under a doona in a lake of sweat! I try to get him to take the doona off to at least allow some of the sweat to evaporate from his body and to give our bedsheets a fighting chance in hell of not smelling like blue vein cheese, but he says he wants the doona on to “make him feel protected.”
I’ve told this story to many of my male colleagues at work, trying to perhaps shed some light on my husband’s apparent need to convert our bed into a water-bed through perspiration alone. To my surprise, many of my male co-workers agreed with my husband and also expressed their desire to lie beneath a slightly damp covering of feathers whilst a cyclone cools their face. My colleagues then introduced me to the coveted world of male sleeping, known as the 5 commandments of co-sleeping with a man:
1 thou shalt snore as loudly and as often as possible
2) thou shalt take all covers and hang on to them so tight she gives up
3) thou shalt sleep under a minimum of sheet and thick doona with air con on freeze-point in summer
4) thou shalt start sleeping in the centre of the bed and migrate onto her side throughout the night and finally,
5) thou shalt not allow your partner to have a better night’s sleep than you.
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Posted by kaos264 on 2007-10-15 18:14:37 | Rating: | Views: 125
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haha, I have been married for about 2 months, and your blog makes me laugh!!!!
all of the above!
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Posted by auzloz
on 2007-10-15 18:19:02
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thats funny. My ex I could actually hear him snoring across the house and on a differnt floor. I don't know that a divorce is nessisry because of an air conditioner although it would be funny on a legal document. Tell him that he is sweating up the bed and making you unhappy. Tell go nude and not have the a/c on so low. Or you can just have him sleep in the freezer, lol. Just kidding dont do that. Good luck though
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Posted by MissShnn6
on 2007-10-15 18:59:19
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Believe me, I've told him!!! He just considers it a necessity to allow him to sleep. Sigh, I'll get used to it eventually I guess, lol. And I was kidding about the divorce :)
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Posted by kaos264
on 2007-10-15 19:10:00
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Oh man this is by far one of the best blogs I've ever read!!!!
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Posted by Whitters
on 2007-10-16 08:03:00
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wow that is funny and so true. Don't you women just love us.
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Posted by technerd
on 2007-10-16 09:57:44
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