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| The Joys of Public Transport
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I work in the City and because finding a parking spot is like trying to find a celebrity without a criminal record these days, I catch the train. The only problem with catching public transport is, you guessed it, the public.
The public transport system really is the great equaliser in society. It doesn’t matter who you are or how much you earn, you’re always just gonna be a bum on a seat. You can’t pay extra for a seat at the front of the train, it’s not like a plane. On a plane, you PAY not to mix with the plebs. You don’t have that luxury on a train even if you CAN afford it.
Now, whatever train you catch there’s bound to be someone on it who, for obvious reasons, I’ve nicknamed the Stinky Guy: This guy sweats like he’s single-handedly going to break the drought for us with his sweat alone. The pure stench he emits makes it impossible to breathe through my nose, so I try breathing through my mouth and just end up TASTING his sweat instead. I’M too polite to move seats, cos how obvious does that look? (That is if there was actually another seat available to move to). Instead, I suffer in silence, wishing that someone would help him discover the miracle of antiperspirant ...
I also like to read on the train because quite frankly, I’d rather poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick than look at some of the freaks surrounding me. The Over-the Shoulder Reader is another downfall of public transport. This person looks at anything and everything you’re reading. You can be absorbed in a magazine, a good book or even the fat content on your muslea bar wrapper and there he is at your shoulder like a parrot on a pirate, leaning over you to get a better look. I feel like saying “Can I Turn the page now, have you finished with this one?”
Often found in company with the Over-the-Shoulder reader is the Newspaper Reader. This person has the daily news spread out as FAR as humanely possible. If you’re unfortunate enough to be sitting beside them, you're reqarded with a good knock to the head each time they turn a page. These people will even stoop to use the paper as a barrier so they don’t have to make eye contact with someone trying to sit in the seat that’s covered by the business section.
There was a recent ad campaign at Brisbane’s central train station about responsible gambling. I’m thinking they’ve missed their target audience there - the people who are using public transport are already pretty big gamblers:
1) They’re betting their train will actually arrive;
2) They also think there’s a better than even chance it might even come on time.
3) Hell, they even reckon it’s odds on they’re actually going to survive the journey sitting
next to Stinky Guy, Over-the-Shoulder Reader and Newspaper Guy!  
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Posted by kaos264 on 2007-10-13 16:13:20 | Rating: | Views: 74
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| Blog Comments
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Another great post.
We have a stinky guy at work. Comes up close and talks to you and you try as hard as you can not to gag. You can't say anything coz that would be rude. Have they even heard of soap, showers and deodorant???
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Posted by HornyLittlePoker
on 2007-10-13 19:17:21
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