I hate the big metal towers used in public toilets to store the paper in. If someone happens to put a toilet roll in the tower upside-down so that it comes out over the top of the roll instead of from underneath, you’re screwed! They have such a tiny little slit at the bottom that you’ll be lucky to get a single square at a time out as it rips apart with every pull.
If you try opening the top of the roll holder to fix the last person’s lapse in consciousness (because only a lapse in consciousness could possibly be responsible for the upside-down roll) you can’t because they LOCK the toilet roll holder with a key! Who on earth is stealing rolls of 1 ply?! It’s like using sandpaper to wipe your bum! The standard of toilet paper in public toilets is truly dreadful and always has this disturbing grey colour about it too...
Even more annoying than the upside down toilet roll though is the toilet roll holder that locks with each quarter turn it makes. I’m guessing the purpose of these holders is to limit us to about 1.5 squares each. BUT there is a way to get more than a square at a time, all you have to do is wind the roll backwards and it rolls off normally without the syncopated start-stop it’s designed to do. (Bet you didn’t think about THAT design flaw, did you, Mr ¼ turn toilet roll holder designer!?! Better rescind those applications for a patent!)
But by far the most annoying type of toilet paper is the individual squares which resemble wax paper in the tissue-box like dispenser. You need about 14 pieces to build up a decent thickness of paper to wipe with and end up sounding like you’ve had an attack of diarrhoea as you spend the next 40 seconds pulling individual squares out.
Which brings me to the scrunch vs fold debate: Who reading this is a folder? Who has the time to sit around folding toilet paper into nice little origami shapes before they wipe? I’ve always been a scruncher and will happily remain a scruncher for life. I bet it’s the same people who are happy to sit and read while they’re on the toilet. I love to read, but of all the good places to get stuck into a good book, I don’t rate the toilet as being one of them.
Each flush of a toilet brings with it faecal bacteria which are shot upwards and outwards, covering an average of 6 metres (don’t ask how I know this, I just do), which is well outside the boundaries of the averaged sized cubicle. So each time someone besides you flushes, they’re effectively showering you with bacteria from their own business. Not a pleasant thought, and just another reason why I don’t spend time folding my toilet paper or reading a blog when I’m in the bog.
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