Badlydrawnstickman suggested a while ago “Happy as a snake” (Sorry I missed using this one in the last lot of sayings, Bdsm)

 I would like to put forward a motion to change this saying from “Happy as a snake” to “Smug as a snake.” I think snakes are smug, there I said it! They just nonchalantly slither along, getting into places where you least expect (let alone WANT) them to be- like the one across the doorway at my parents place the other week. (Big dramas there when my sister arrived home at night! lol)

I reckon snakes LOVE seeing us humans freak out about them, that's what makes them happy, but instead of getting out of the way and retreating away from us, they just keep on smugly, slowly slithering along, sticking their tongue out as us thinking “Oh yeah, I AM all that! Look at that crazy mofo having a heart attack. I’m just a little ol’ snake, I ain’t gonna hurt nobody....or am I???? Ssssss
Glint, glint goes their eyes....(shudder...be gone you smug snake, you!)

 Like it’s going out of fashion: We say this phrase if you use a lot of something or if you do something very quickly eg “Tom drinks like it’s going out of fashion.” To me, if something is going out of fashion, then I wouldn’t want to do it at all, let alone quickly and in large quantities. “Quick! Wearing fluro coloured clothes is going out of fashion! (for the second time) Quick! Better wear lots of it right now and make the most of this trend before it’s passé. To me that just seems silly. I'll wait for the next trend to come along instead.

A different kettle of fish: I’ve never seen a single kettle with fish in it, let alone a DIFFERENT kettle full of fish. Who puts fish in a kettle? It would stink! I’ve seen fish in a TV set before, but never in a kettle. I can’t imagine they’d like it, unless they’re tropical fish perhaps and enjoy a little heat?

As useless as a jam sandwich to a drowning rabbit: Two words....WHAT THE???? I don’t even really know where to start with this one, but I’ll try:
I can’t imagine a jam sandwich being very useful on many occasions at all, other than fighting off hunger. I can’t imagine a jam sandwich would help a PERSON drowning (let alone a rabbit??) , unless the person was drowning in jam and then perhaps could try using the bread to soak up some of the jam to....wait that’s just getting ridiculous!

Why would a rabbit even have a jam sandwich??! They don’t have opposable thumbs! How would they get the jam jar open to make the sandwich??? And FINALLY: WHY WOULD A RABBIT THAT’S DROWING EVEN THINK TO CALL ON A JAM SANDWICH TO SAVE ITSELF IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Of course it’s going to be useless! This phrase is redundant.

Cute as a button: What makes buttons so cute? If I see someone with a shirt I like, I don’t oohh and aah over how cute the buttons are. Who pays attention to buttons anyway? The only time you notice a button is when it’s missing! And you don’t go searching around for a button of equal-cuteness to replace the lost one with, you just (hopefully) find one that kinda matches the rest in colour and shape.  There are many things cuter than buttons: kittens, babies, puppies etc etc.

“You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” This was made very popular by one Miss Joni Mitchell. Well there are a lot of times when you hopefully WOULD know what you had BEFORE it was gone (so you could treat it and try not to spread it) not just AFTER it goes away: Herpes, cold sores, syphilis, measles, chicken pox, diarrhoea,  etc. Otherwise, how dumb do you sound? “Oh I had this thing where poo just kept coming out of my bum and I couldn’t for the life of me think what it was when I had it, but now that it’s gone, I can confidently identify it as diarrhoea.”