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Dogs are to men as cats are to women.

Through a lot of dedicated study and complicated analysis, I hereby declare:
Cats are to women as Dogs are to men.

Let me demonstrate:

Like women, a cat gets pissed off for no reason at all and then won’t let you come near it. It will sit with its back to you and then hiss and bite if you dare touch it.

Dogs lick their balls...men would if they could.
(Not sure if that rumour of Marilyn Manson having a rib removed so he could lick his was true or not, but it wouldn’t surprise me, the crazy cat, er dog!)

Dogs slobber a lot and fart everywhere, as do men.

When dogs get in trouble, they look at you with this dumb look, with clearly no idea what they’ve done wrong, which really irritates the cat who goes and has a bath and sulks.

Like women, cats are very clean, they cover up their business with a sweep of their paw through the litter tray or (in the woman’s case) a spray of sweet perfume to cover any offending smell.

Dogs will piss on anything, walls, pot plants, poles - you can see a pattern forming here.

Dogs make no attempt to cover the smell of their poo, they leave a big steaming pile in the centre of the yard for their owner to discover. Men proudly leave the smell of their after-grog- bog hanging in the air ready to burn your eyes out.

Dogs instantly want to make friends when they see one of their own, as opposed to cats who instantly despise another cat because she’s skinnier, prettier and has that new handbag you so desperately want.