im through. im done. i give up. why does life have to be so hard? why cant one thing just go right? i think ive lost my best friend and i dont know how to react. i told her. i told her everything. everything that has ever happened to me to make me like this. im going through a hard time i needed someone to lean on. but shes gone. i told her and she said she needed to think about how she was going to look at me know how she was going to think of me. she walked away at the very instance i needed her the most. itsa the feeling of falling and knowing that no ones there to catch you. and ya i have a ton of emotions. but the thing is everyone does. ive just had so much shit happen that mine are breaking out of that mask that everyone wears to hide. ya well im not strong enough to hide any longer. so here i am. heres my real colors. if you dont like it well im sorry itas the way i am. itys the way the world has made me. shaped me into. im numb i cant feel anything. ive bleed all that i can. cried all that is possible.  theres only one thing that cuts me any more. thats my friendships. my two best friends fighting. my bestfrieend that i thought i would have forever thinking of me differently when i thought that are friendship was too strong to break. people knowing what ive done to my self bc i was to stupid to keep my mouth shut. and my ex boyfriend going to counciling for me not loving him anymore. so if you think for a second that im not going to show emotions after that you need to think things over. i try to hide what i feel. dont take me wrongly i dont like ppl being inside me and knowing but ive opened up so that if at least one person cared they would help. maybe if someone heard my cry they would be there to lift me up. one can only hope. i want my best friend back...i want her back so badly!!!!!!  *sigh* theres way to much shit. my biggest fear is loosing my friends. if you didnt already figure that out. let me ask you a question..........what if you knew your friend was making horrible decisions but ytou were to scared to tell them to stop bc you were afraid to loose them but you knew if they kept doing that one hing that they would most likely ruin their life. what would you do? would you try to help?
you know whoyou are if you read this and the reason i didnt tell you in person was bc i was scared to i didnt know how you would react-- im sorry.......for everything. everything that ive ever done im sorry. im not perfect and im gone through a rough time and i should not have spilled all that stuff on you at one time. i probably shouldnt havr told you anything. i wouldnt have if i knew this was the way you were going to react. i jjust thought that you woukld want to know. i dont know why i did but you are my best friend and i dont want to loose you over my past or anyother stupid thing like that. call me or something when you read this.