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It would take more than both hands for me to count the number of alcoholics in my family. My brother is one such relative. He has been in recovery for about three years now, devoted to God and his family. He is a loving husband to my sister Heather, and a proud father to my nephew Austin, the love of my life. He and my sister are even heading up a ministry at their church in Pittsburgh aimed at helping to integrate faith and recovery in life-giving ways. When I look at him, when I remember our dark history, when I think of how far he's come—it is impossible for my eyes not to swell with tears just as my heart swells with pride. I am overwhelmed by the grace in his life—and I am so grateful.
It was almost a year ago that my brother asked me to get coffee with him at Starbucks. It was the week before I moved to Florida. We sipped frappuccinos, and Jason began to share with me the journey of his recovery. He talked about the steps, he talked about his sponsor—phrases I had heard my father use in the past. He explained that his sponsor was like a mentor to help him through the steps of this journey—one step of which required him to ask me to Starbucks that afternoon.
There, in the billet of coffee-house jazz and background chatter, in the affable murmur of frothing milk, in the warm smells of vanilla and hazelnut, Jason said he was sorry for everything he had ever done to hurt me. These things he recounted by name, and with each new name I could see my pain was also his. Through our mutual tears, through our words of vulnerable transparence, we found forgiveness and restoration at that café table.
On the drive home, I turned to Jason and said, "I want a sponsor."
If I need addictions, I will name them. I am addicted to complacency. I am addicted to ignorance. I am addicted to selfishness, slander and idolatry.
I am addicted to sin.
If a sponsor helps you on your journey to come to terms with your addictions, your need for God, your inability to change yourself apart from his help, the necessity to confess your sins to one another and ask forgiveness—I want a sponsor. I want a sponsor for my life. Do we need addictions to warrant such a request?
I cannot think of anything more significant, more powerful, more life-giving and poignant than the exchange between Jason and I that day. As I reflect on my own life, I'm certain that—whether intentionally or unintentionally—I have hurt others in profound ways. I am certain that others might be blessed by such candor as I was shown. I am certain that I have amends to make.
Alcoholics are way ahead of the game on this one.
I'm ready to start my twelve steps.
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Posted by kaileyH on 2008-07-09 20:50:32 | Rating: | Views: 60
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gotta agree with the above.
hope to see you again soon kaileyH!
:)
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2008-07-13 14:47:27
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3rd time the charm?
I agree with the above, only I read every single one of your post tonight...I drove to Michigan from Chicago to give my body, mind and soul a rest, and even though I stayed up way past my bedtime, my soul feels refreshed, thanks to you!
Let me know when and where you will be holding the book signing, I want you to autograph my copy!
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Posted by roe
on 2008-07-23 02:21:10
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