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Am i not worth anything?not even one peso?I refuse to believe that,yet circumstances,situations slap it to my face hard,.unintentionally,but it hurts nonetheless.
My cousin from mother side,had been like my bestest best friend since birth,we hardly argue,.but some situation when i was at the age of rebellion, i ran away from home and i only went back home after almost 5 years.Still in that span of time,i never even once forget to think of and miss her like hell. I cry myself to sleep on most nights whenever i think of the times we shared together..how we made fun of the silliest thing there is,even ourselves.
When i went back home at last after more than 4 years,.i cried like hell with my family and blood relatives..ive learned things that i refused to learn when i was still under my parent's provision.Talk about learning it the hard way,working to feed thyself,cutcost to save even a penny and dime just in case i would use it for an emergency or something important.
After those overwhelming welcome backs,.i asked for my dear cousin's current cel number..and after so many years,i was finally in touch with her..i kept texting her whenever i got the chance..But only 2 of those were returned with a reply...I understood since we use different netwirk and it sure would cost both parties.
She kept tellin me over text messages that she would come by for a week or a month and spend time with me,make up for the time lost..i was overjoyed and over excited at the prospect of being crazy with my cousin again...I couldnt help but to feel anxious for that day to come.
She's busy with work and i was busy lookin for a job myself then..so i understood if its takin her a while to fulfill her promise..i only compensate that waiting through repeating to myself that all her hard days of work and my waiting would be compensated good once were finally face to face,spending time together.Again.Like the good old days.
And yes that day finally came.But i wasnt home yet when she arrived.,i just had two interviews that day.Still,when i received the news that she's already waiting at home,i rushed walking,not minding the dark clouds that have started to collect.
3 pm,i finally reached home.And then i saw her,nothin much changed about her,except that she's gone prettier and sexier,and me,well..lets talk about insecurity some other time.Well anyway,.i told her to wait for me to get changed [clothes].She did while complaining that i made her wait like hell to get home.
As soon as i was ALMOST finished changing,her younger sis,Dais(we're close too),.came.And i heard footsteps coming up..and then i was done changing,went out of the changing room and stopped when i saw her gearing up when i just got home..She said ,she'll go to their father,with her sister,and that she'll be back to spend the night over...[About their dad,lets talk about it some other time too,.bottomline:he left them when they were still babies,i dont like the man one bit.].
Her: I'll be back later,i'll spend the night here.
Me: Sure,dont return here anymore. (i half meant what i said..because i knew in the instant that she will never return that night.I was too disapointed that i never went down,not even for dinner.I never cried,.but i couldnt stop some tears from falling..)
And i was right..she never returned at home,not even to give me a night of bonding,.she forgot her promise.And i waited for nothing.I thought she came for me,.i didnt expect there'd be another reason...
whats worse,.she never even sent me a text message as to why she went with her sis..not even to apologize..i felt so bad...And even up to now.,she still hasnt texted me intentionally..i kept waiting but nothing from her part...she send messages to the other people who's in the same netwrork she has but not me.Not even one.Not even when i lowered my pride and indirectly,i begged even just for one message from her...
Maybe its just like that.Maybe she no longer sees me like before...maybe im no longer a huge attachment to her..Maybe during the time that i was aaway,she already found herself another person to replace me with.
So in the end...im wondering if iam that worthless,no worth..not even a peso...
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Posted by kaikonachan on 2008-10-07 04:32:31 | Rating: | Views: 20
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im quite amused by this blog. does it mean that u like your cousin? i know someone very close to me who used to have a gf who is her cousin also. it's a long story but hey...if you like her, why not. this is a free country, you can do whatever you want as long as your happy. Goodluck!
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Posted by taghuever
on 2008-10-07 06:00:26
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no,its not like that.we're just close,like bestfriend,we treat each other like real siblings.thats why im too disappointed at how she treated me..
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Posted by kaikonachan
on 2008-10-07 06:06:21
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