I have alwys heard that the choices we make in life, the experiences we have make us who we are. I have always believed in that, therefore I say, I wouldn't want to change anything that has happened in my life (bad or good) because it has made me who I am today. Not that I am terribly in love with me, but I don't think that I turnned out to be all that horrible of a person.

So I have been thinking a lot about that lately. Especially since D and I are having such trouble. I can't help but try to look to the furture and see how this will end.  Will I be saying the same ole things 1 year from now, or even 6 months. Or will I be living in regret.

There are a lot of things about who I am that are different now that I am with D. I have changed myself to try to fit into this new life better. However I am not sure if I am happy with all the changes I have made in me. So I can't help but wonder whether or not D and I get through all of this if one day I will look back and say.. "I don't like who I am anymore" and regret everything I have become.

So lately I have been trying to change me. So far it has been a slow process but at least I am working at it which makes me feel better about me. Part of what I feel has really helped me is having a place like this where I say whatever I want and express myself without worrying about hurting anyones feelings. I have hidden my identity for the most part, no one I know knows i exist on here, so I am completely free to be me, explore my feelings and say whatever I want in the process.

So I come here day after day and find something to say, something I am feeling or contemplating, and I feel in the process I become a better wife, a better person, because so much is not sitting inside me, festering... I am letting it out, figuring me out, and it feels amazing!

On a lighter note my adorable boxer is sleeping next to me and for any of you who have pet will know that they are the most amazing things. She can make me smile and be happy no matter what is going on in my life. I love her more than I could have ever imagined. Even when she eats my shoes, phone books, and newspapers! :-D