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enabling?

So as you who have read past blogs may have deduced my husbad "D" is an alcoholic (in denial). SOOOOO I have decided while we get things under control for him that I will not drink. You see when both of us decide to drink, it typically does not end well.

So one of my friends (we will say A) has invited us to her house to have a few drinks and play games w/ her and her husband. this is where my dilema begins. I am rather excited to go. I am looking forward to developing new couple friendships. However I fear that my husband will be unable to set limits which in turn usually ends up w/ Drunk D and upset ME!

In additon to that the question that really haunts me is if I ask him to go here and it involves drinking, does that make me an enabler??? Am I preaching but not practicing? Am I becoming a hypocrite and being okay with him drinking as long as it suits my needs?? My desire is to be none of these things and to never contribute to his drinking. If he wants to drink he needs to do so w/out my support.

So how to I find a happy medium. If we do not go I am again sacraficing things I would like to do with my life, things that will make me happy to suit him. And if we don't go chances are he will end up drinking somewhere else anyway... but then at least I did not enable it?? right?

I am sure you can guess what will happen here we will go and we will see if D can proove me wrong, I will try that having faith thing, and go against my gut which says "DO NOT ENABLE" and go with my heart which says maybe this will be fun, and good for us.....

Here's hoping...

Posted by jwtkwiu on 2008-08-01 15:42:13 | Rating:

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		hey there, first off.. it's not enabling if you want to go there for you. Enabling is you doing something for him that only he wants to do.. people have a variety of reasons for doing almost everything they do, but if you want to go too..then drop the guilt.. Your right about him setting limits.. no such thing works for an alcoholic.. I should know.. I am one too. Be prepared for things to possibly go bad.. but remember first and foremost.. none of it is your fault! Alcoholics are sick! Remember that he has a disease.. and he didn't get it from you! I suggest you look up an al-anon meeting and go to one.. it will help you learn about the disease and also give you tools to help you cope until he is ready to do something about it himself. hang in there and god bless!
Posted by AAcleveland on 2008-08-04 17:04:57