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I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ~Bill Cosby
I think the quote fits some realizations I have come to lately. I have been living my life for D, trying to find a way to make this marriage work, giving and giving and trying to please him, to make him happy. only to find that nothing has changed. Everyone always says "It takes two" but when you are the only one you can control you have to do your very best on your own to do what you can. I mean I wouldn't want to leave this marriage with the knowledge I didn't do everything I could have to make it work. But somewhere along the way I think I may have taken things to the extreme. I have begun preparing D's lunches (while he is still in bed asleep), doing his laundry (sorting, washing, folding, putting away) cooking, doing ALL the cleaning, and giving him every penny he ever asks for even if it means I have nothing left. I do everything for the man and he gets to sit on his "throne" and demand more. Treating me with disrespect and always failing to remember the two little words that makes it all worth while (THANK YOU). Then he gets to go out and have all the fun, while I stay at home wondering what has happend to my life, resenting him for having such fun while I get to have no fun. In the mean time when he is around I am afraid to speak because he has become so mean and verbally abusive that I never know what I am going to get, it is as unpredictable as it gets. So I feel I am walking around on eggshells trying to say all the right things and do everything he wants to just get through each day. I guess what I am basically saying is he is an "I" and compeletly happy and content with that, while I am striving for "we" but sorta stuck on "him" instead. So while I do intend to still be a "we" as in doing my household chores and what I see as wifely duties, I am going to make my life a success and work on being an "I" again or at least start working on my smiles and happiness and make that part at least all about me once in a while:)
SO basically I have decided to do what I have been talking about and thinking about doing forever. I am getting back to ME! I am having J days, spending time doing the things I love, that I seem to have somehow forgotten to do for the last two years. I have begun going out with the girls and doing my very best to forget about all the drama that awaits me at home. I have begun putting money aside (hidden money for just me). and I actually feel happy. the weight I have been forever trying to loose by working out or eating healthy (the diet and workout program I just couldn't seem to stick to) is coming much easier. I am living for me and not caring what D will think about everything, If it will upset him, if he will like this or that. I am just focusing on myself for a little while here and there, something I have not done in ages, and let me tell you It feels great!
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming
Food for thought:
One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. ~Judith Viorst
More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson
Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers. ~Mary Tyler Moore
Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are. ~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown
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Posted by jwtkwiu on 2008-09-03 22:03:40 | Rating: | Views: 39
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