IT has been 4ever since I have wrote anything on here, I went from blogging 1+ times a day to nothing for weeks! I have been very busy and just have not had the time to take to blog things out. I must admit however life has not been all sunshine and daisy's but  it has much better..

D and I are doing okay, I think he has come to some realizations about himself and not being really the person her wants. I think that is a great step into the right direction, however he is still not fully able to be the person he wants and still lashes out on me quite often. Recently he screamed at me because he was hungry..... WTF am I suppose to do?? eat something then, that is what normal people do when hunger strikes right?? I offer lists of things we can cook/ eat and he is just pissy cause that is his mood in general. I must admit that I don't know quite how to handle that?!?!?! I want to huddle away and hide until the mood passes but unfortunately that is not always a viable option. I guess for him making me feel as bad as he does helps, so he does it often. Sometimes I don't even think I can take it anymore..... But somehow I push through and get on to the next day. I don't know how, because I can honestly say that most of the time I can not see a light at the end of that tunnel... I have faith that it is there but I have trouble seeing it most days. 

D has been taking baby steps in the right direction lately though and  I must admit that makes the weak light that I usually can't see glow just a little brighter! I can't tell you how nice of a feeling that is....  there is something about knowing he is beginning to realize and at least work toward a change that makes me think someday things just might change a little bit.

On Friday he was cursing me and telling me things needed to change bla bla bla because I didn't get up at 5:30am while he continued to sleep in and make his lunch. He said that was the final straw and called me yelling at me at work. I don't get it.... why is it okay for him to sleep in when I have been working just as hard. WHy can't I sleep in once in a while. I make his lunch all the time, and I ask for just a little reprieve and get yelled at......

Maybe I am doing just a little too much for this man.  I think it is funny because not only does he call and yell at me at work but he carries on being angry and mean until late into the evening. I don't think i did a thing to deserve it. but somehow I huddled away and got through and finally in the next day the appology came. The one i rarely even here at this point. Those two little words were like ointment to my wounded heart, at least it was a realization finally of how hurtful and ridiculous he was treating me. ..

I thank god for helping him see, for helping me get through, because without him there wouldn't be an us,and of that I am sure.

So enough for today, hopefully I will be back before too long this time! :)