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| 2.4.09 Damn Groundhog! |
Why does it have to be so cold all the time, why did that damn groundhog have to see his shadow - of all the overcast days why did the sun have to shine on groundhogs day! I am so beyond sick of the cold- of winter!
I use to love the snow, utnil I lived a few years without it. I now prefer visiting it only. I would much rather bask in the warm sunshine, enjoy the sound of the waves than hear the wind whipping and watch the snow fall.
But D loves it here, so here we will stay. Why is it that men alwayas get their way??
I finished my book..... it was awesome and terrifying- but overall a great experience. Reading it has brought me a scary sense of peace. I think I realize that D is not ready for a change. I think he is fading out of the recovery mindset and back to the addict. I think I will soon be faced with the reality of my ultimatum. I am prepared to be true to it, but terrified to do so.
Monday we start classes at the church, I am hoping our pastor will be helpful in his recovery. when he visisted the other day I was shocked and disappointed at his compasion. D asked for help for a way that they can meet weekly- talk and discuss- to help him through the recovery process. THe pastor basically shot him down with a I don't really have anything like that. I guess I grew up with the belief that the pastors duty/ calling was to help others in need. Does my husband not qualify for that?? This will be the fourth church I have attended regularily in different cities. and the only one in which the pastor was lacking the modivation to reach out to his congregation - to those who were asking for help. I hope I was wrong about him. Maybe he just needed time to determine how he would help D.
On Monday he starts classes to become an offical member of that church as he was baptized in another. Hopefully through these classes his relationship with God will grow and benefit him in his recovery.
D needs all the support and friends he can get right now, as he is finding himself very alone now that he has quit drinking. Even his deadbeat mom isn't around- funny how obvious it is where her priorites are. How easy it was for her to judge him, but when he is in recovery she vanishes because she herself can not abstain from drinking to be around him. I wonder why both of the children she had a part in raising currently have DUI's and are in treatment??? Sadly she is pointing the finger of blame in any other direction she can find. she is judging others. She is not supporting her son when he needs it most- but wants the award of mother of the year for "all she has had to put up with" (so she says)
Daily I find myself picking up my phone to call her, to tell her the damage she is doing- but I know in her cold hard heart she will find away to make this be my fault - or his, and it will only make things harder for D. It will not help his recovery. I also know in my heart that when he has recovered she will be the first to try to take credit for what he has accomplished and talk to everyone about "all she has been through with this" (because taht has been her history thus far)
I need to find a way for myself to make peace with the mother he has- I feel such anger towards her and I feel like my emotions are starting to make me hate her. She however is D's mom and no matter what she has done he will always have a bond with her- forgive her- and love her. So my dislike has to be burried and put aways but while I watch my husband suffer it hurts me so deeply I am finding a lot of difficulty in doing this. If any of you have any advice on this matter - please I would love to hear it.
As for now I will support D in his recovery and pray he gets through it and sticks with it.
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Posted by jwtkwiu on 2009-02-04 11:05:55 | Rating: | Views: 57
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