Another day I wish I had not to face.
The pain is so high this morning that I want to go back to sleep so I needn't be encumbered with the pain.
The pills my doctor gives me do very little to supress the stabbing, and burning, and throbbing in my back so I lie here and endure until the pills start to work.
It's hard to be positive when suffering so much, but I wil get through this day also, but boy how I wish the day were done already.
I look over to where my wife lays sleeping and becuase of her I will tolerate what life has dealt me, but boy how I wish it would all end.
I can't believe how childish I was when I used to tease those who cried about having a bad back.
Now I fully understand what it is to go through every moment of the day putting up with the excruciating pain brought on by having a back injury, and now it's not so funny.
Suck it up, I used to say, and quit being such a baby about it.
How those words have come back to haunt me for my indiscretion, and failure to understand.
Now I know fully that having been injured in such a way that you do not want to face another day.
Yes I tried to end it all twice before, but now I see how I hurt my wife by attempting such a thing, and I vow never to try it again, but oh how I often wish that this would come to an end.
I really don't know what I have to contribute to society anymore, and many times I feel like a burden to those who mean most to me.
To sit inside four walls each day without accomplishing a thing in itself is a burden that I wish I didn't have to face, but for her I will face it again today, and then again tomorrow, for she is worth every moment I can give her.
She is so understanding and loving that I dare not let her down again.
God bless her for her love, and God bless her for her patience, for I do not know if I could be so tolerant for her.
So I sit and wait for the meds to take affect so that I may know some relief, and then I do the one chore I take most pride in, and that is to make her morning coffee.
She always praises me for that one little act that she appriciates more than it's worth.
She always makes me feel so good just doing this one thing important to her.
The hug she gives goes right through me into my heart, and it resides within.
She gives me self worth, and that is what I need to face yet another day.
I thank God for giving her to me as I know in my heart there is no greater reward in heaven than what she has given me here on earth.
So I will face another day in terrible pain, but in my heart all is right with the world.
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