will you understand?
Will what i say here make a difference?
Will i be of any help to the world?
What i now say be of any help to you/me?

i have once again found myself in a moment of time when i am confused about what is my reason for being.
i am at a loss as to what difference will it make should i live through this day.
Somewhere inside of me there burns a fire that i must have a reason for being.
i can't be the only person who has no meaning at all.
There has got to be a reason for me.
There has to be something that i am supposed to be good for.
But at this very moment, i feel absolutely useless.

i am pulled in so many directions that i have no direction at all.

i feel that I am supposed to save the world, but at the same time i feel like i want to destroy all of mankind.
Everyone is only concerned with their own wants and desires.
So nothing i can ever do will make any difference.
No one is listening, no one cares.
i feel i am a waste of space.

i know my heart is good, but when i share my heart, iI feel diminished for having done so.
No one hugs me anymore, no one can feel my pain, no one can feel my hope.

i can relate my life to that of Forrest Gump.
i was there. i did it all and yet my picture hangs on no ones wall.
Nor is it in their albums of their life's memories.
i  participated in times that brought about real change, but i didn't merit even a footnote.
So why am i here?

Is it meloncholy, depression, feelings of sadness for not having my fifteen minutes of fame?
What is wrong with me?
Have i not payed my dues sometime in the past, and am i not not deserving?
Appartently not, because i sit here in my feelings of emptiness.

What can i contribute?
What will fill the void in me?
What is this debt i owe?

i give my love freely, but never being allowed to feel loved in return.
i want to make everyone happy.
i would like to feel happiness myself.

The answer seems to be beyond my grasp, my ability to understand.
Life is a puzzle beyond my comprehension, i don't understand anything.
Yet is probably so simple as to defy explaination.

i would like answers, but yet i fear what they might be.
i can even answer the questions myself, but then the answers make no sense to me.

Am i being punished for something i once had done?
i can remember almost all of my life, but i can not remember doing anything so bad as to warrant the emptiness i now feel.
Am i the chosen one, the one who will never know the true answer?

i reach out to help others, but have no ability to reach out to myself.
i can't seem to be able to help myself.
Is it that i am just a failure?
Where is it i have failed, what is the goal?

i don't seem to be able to measure up.
What is it that i am supposed to be measuring?
i have all the answers, but none of them seem to apply.
What i have learned i always share.
i want to be alone, but i can not live without you, all of you!