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Most of you don't know that I broke my back in a car accident eight years ago, and though I had surgery to fix it, I suffer in horrible pain every minute, every second, of every day.
I take pain pills four times a day, but they really don't help all that much, and because of the pain I usaually post somewhat negative type blogs here at thoughts.
I sometime wonder why I even get out of bed each day and attempt to live as normal of life as I can.
My most recent project is that I am building a fence around my yard because I have adopted a dog who was abused or something ( she might just be flat out crazy,but I love her anyhow), and this dog runs out into the woods and gets lost every time I let her out of the door.
I've tried taking to training classes, but the instructor says she might not have the capacity to be trained. LOL
( other words she thinks my dog is nuts lol)
Well anyhow I have been working on this fence for about three months now, and it gets to be depressing when I have to stop about every ten or fifteen minutes because my back hurts too much to just continuely work.
I have to laugh at myself because had I started to build this fence before my accident, it would have only taken me about a week to do it.
So what if it's been three months now!
I think I might get it done before the snow flies. LOL
And besides once I do get it done my little "Jasmine" will love me so much for letting her out to run, that all the pain will have been worth it.
I was thinking about how I just go on despite the pain, and I wonder why I do !
I have attempted suicide twice since the accident, but for the love of my wife, and the love of my dogs I will not ever do that again.
I thought about how useless I feel since I have become this incapacitated, and how I don't feel like much of a man anymore, and I think about how I am not a contributing member of society anymore.
But then I see than nothing could be further from the trueth.
I do contribute. I still give to charities, and I still help my brother, and my sisters when they ask for help.
I call my mother every day to see how things are going with her, and to make sure she hasn't up and croaked on me in the middle of the night.LOL
But most of all, I think about how much love I have for the people of the world.
I want to meet each and everyione on this planet and to hug them and show them that there is such a thing as true love, and that not everybody is out to take something from them.
I want to take away their pains, and hunger for love.
I want to show them how lucky and happy I am, and that if they can just learn to love and forgive how their live's would become so much better.
I want to end their hunger, their thirst, their fears.
So when I am posting negative feelings, I am just being selfish, and then I realize that is the single most destructive thing going on in the world today!
SELFISHNESS!
So this is my apology for my negativity.
Who am I to be crying about the trials and tribulations I go through.
My Dear God, I know no-hunger, I know no-fear at night, and most of all, I know what it is to be LOVED. So who am I to be complaining.
I read some postings from people who are really suffering and are reaching out to be heard, and here I sit running my big mouth about my little problems with pain.
I have lived a great life and I should be here for you to use, and here for you to question, and here to give you all LOVE.
I realize this all sounds kind of hoakie, but it's truely how I feel.
I want to comfort those of you who I can.
I want to answer your questions if I'm able.
So what I am saying here is, " when you're feeling down and you need a person to listen to what you have to say, then write me an e-mail and I will make you all this promise." " if you write to me I promise that I will always write back!"
I don't always get on the computer everyday, but I do get here four or five times a week. ( there are just some days that my back won't let me sit in this chair) So drop me a line and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
By the way today has been a good day!
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Posted by jwcj on 2008-08-10 04:29:36 | Rating: | Views: 53
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how's your back now??i think i had the same feeling when i came to this website at first,who am i to complain??there are so many people that suffer much more than me,i am the one who should show love and care to others!!
but i dont think you were being selfish when you express your pain and negativity here,why shouldn't you vent when you need to??there are millions of people out there being glad to comfort you!!you want to show love to others,others also want to show love to you!!true love should also be mutual,right??
as you said today has been a good day!!
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Posted by nina880224
on 2008-08-10 05:08:00
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thank you for your amazing story of your life in a nutshell on my survey...i like this post very much and i am sorry you have to bear this suffering. i know what you mean about complaining but everyones cross is different and people cant bare the same cross that others have because when i read your story it makes me think of my cousin and how he has CP (cerebal palsey or however u spell it) he is in a wheelchair and cant walk, or move much, or feed himself, he will never get married or make love or anything...i thought to myself how would i feel being in his situation. hell he cant even try to committ suicide but reading or hearing stories like yours and actually seeing it through my cousin makes me realize how i take life for granted...i vent alot and this website was totally for a way of me to vent and write out my feelings and of course when writing i over express my feelings but i have meet and read and heard alot of stories and different backgrounds and everyone here is trying to reach out and be heard as well as give their insight and own advice. i like hearing advice from strangers because you do not pass judgement on their comments or really think well who is this person...sometimes its better to have the outside thats looking in...i know that i would love to be your friend as we can comfort each other and listen to our compliants. haha i know because i am a very caring person too and love others more than myself...so thank you for all that you have posted and participated because people need to hear your story...
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Posted by mmeesh11
on 2008-08-11 00:27:34
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Jude 2,21 "Mercy unto you, and peace and love, be multiplied. Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our LORD Jesus Christ unto eternal life."
AMEN
God is faithful
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Posted by good_news
on 2008-08-13 01:11:38
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