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I have something eating me up inside. As cheesy as it sounds...its love. Crazy, crazy love! Its the standard being in love with my best friend type of thing but...a bit more complicated than that. My best friend is gay. Okay...not that complicated. I'm sure countless of women have fallen in love with gay men. However...this guy...I mean...even if he was straight...no! He is...quite simply beautiful. He is a wonderful man! Talented and smart. His blue eyes pierces me and I can't stand it when he stares at me. I get that oh so familiar butterflies in my stomach. I feel like a silly jr high kid crushing on her teacher. He makes me happy. When I'm with him...I'm giddy. I think about him nonstop and if I simply see his name my heart leaps. I look forward to his calls or texts and am so disappointed when it is apparent that the text I've received is one sent to a group of people. I feel so comfortable in his arms and I dream of his smile. Soooooo silly and cheesy! I know and forgive me for that. I'm not one to swoon and write love letters and crap like that. But...I've been in love with this guy going on 2 years now. We have know each other longer but...well...it started out as just an innocent crush for fun type of thing. He's gay! I have no chance with him. He's handsome and talented. A harmful crush to give me something to do. Then we became friends and that crush didn't go away. It grew and grew. Again...unlike me. My crushes usually lasts for a short while, I get bored and move on. Especially when I become friends with my crushes. The feelings go away. But this one will not. And I know him very well now. When I crushed on him I didn't really know him that well and I was crushing on a fantasy of him. I liked this character I made up of him. He is nothing like the perfect man I created in my mind. In fact he is the complete opposite and not the sort of man I'd see myself ending up with. Baggage? He has soooooo much baggage! Not my style, really. I weigh the pros and cons and the cons far out weighs the cons. My heart is truly foolish. But it won't back off! So...I am admitting to the universe that I am in love with him and there is nothing I can do about it! NOTHING!!! Well...there is...I can completely ignore my feelings and stuff them deep inside me where no one can get at them. I can enjoy the fact that I at least have his friendship which I treasure. Yes...it is as easy as life. |
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Posted by jw on 2008-02-13 03:11:11 | Rating: | Views: 38
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And, so began the series Will and Grace--heh:P Seriously. That's what you two are. And, don't say you have no chance if that's how strongly you feel. JW? Jennifer Walters? Hi, cuz:P jk
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-02-16 02:37:05
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