27 / 08 / 09
so, I'm kinda trying to think of a main topic for this blog,
and I'm blogging because I finished my tv series, and my book.
and thought that maybe I should get back to blogging,
lol, but I have nothing to talk about,
sooo, I suppose it will be another pointless rant,
and maybe by the end I will have a point to it.
: )
So,
let's start with ... my boyfriend
and I hope he reads this,
but I think he stopped reading because I don't blog often.
Anyways,
he is ... amazing.
there is simply no other words to decribe.
well, I'm sure there are, but my vocabulary doesn't stretch too far.
He is the one and only person that I know who I feel one hundred percent comfortable around,
he makes me laugh or smile when I'm trying to be angry,
and just ...
when I go to see him, I'm smiling the whole way there because I know that I'll see him soon,
and he just ... makes me a very happy person
but I wouldn't call our relationship like ... perfect,
although it's pretty close.
we have issues always being able to see eachother,
and I feel like I take him away from his family and friends too much,
and I think he feels the same way about takng me away.
but these are little things that don't cause much complications.
sure we argue like ... once in a while,
but I would love to hear a couple who have never fought.
We can spend a weekend together, and then the next day I'm completely missing him.
We can sit at home watching movies,
or go camping,
or do whatever it is that couples do,
and be happy no matter what,
well I am anyways, and he says he is too.
*
I've never really had it too easy with boys,
I mean ... once in a while it seems like I hit a good turn when boy after boy likes me,
but then it's kinda like ... wow, they all want the same thing,
or they only like me for ...
or they heard the rumours and want a piece.
and I was just about to give up on boys for a while,
and just wait until "my one" came around,
and then my friend introduced me to her boyfriend.
and it hit.
like a cement truck at two hundred miles an hour.
I knew I loved him the first time we talked.
but he couldn't be mine.
my friend meant too much to me.
and then the feeling of not being able to have him,
the feeling of being forbidden,
made me want him all the more.
At times, I was happy that my friend told me not to talk to him,
just because I didn't want to take him from her,
but then I had no one to talk to,
no one to rant to,
no one to be me to,
and it was a brutal time for me.
so, I broke the rules.
I knew it was bad, but I knew that my friend, eventually, would be proud of what I did.
: )
Enough about him, now I definitly will not be able to sleep.
School starts for me on the seventh,
and well ... senior year.
it just hit me,
wow, in three years I'll be twenty,
and wow, collage costs money,
and wow, what I do now will effect who I am in the next ... forever,
it's scary.
and I'm terrified of not making the right choices,
and ending up doing something that I hate.
and the fact that I want to stay around this town,
for one reason only.
For the first time, since I moved hear nearly ten years ago,
I'm dreading graduation,
it will be the time where I can actually leave, if I please.
and in the past ten years, I have been planning on getting out of here,
asap.
but, complications.
feelings rather, are going to end up keeping me here,
for a while I think anyways.
well, I'm out of rants,
and I'm sure this was really boring,
so untill I find a new, and good subject.
I'm outs.
tp, ox.
<3
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