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Do you ever notice how sometimes the things you want in your life are so fucking elusive that it turns into some type of irony? The proverbial white picket fence for one, sometimes all you want to do is have the perfect moment of serenity. And all you end up getting is chaos and bullshit. Wanting Tolerance and Patience and getting violence and insanity. I will never understand what it is like to have no concept of sensitivity. That is something I can only witness. Or a complete selfishness that bridges all counts of love. Have no understanding of a person that claims to love and shows only indifference. I can’t grasp the concept of tearing down to build up or rebuild something to make it as you wish. When all you want is time and caring and getting only glimpses of these in filtering moments that don’t last. Clinging to inanimate objects for affection to soften the pain of being hurt and the feeling of rejection is a sensation and knowledge I have always carried. Why? To fill the gaps. Demands on my time and having nothing left for yourself. I know that. I live it. Trying to find balance, I know that one, never finding it, I know that as well.
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