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I think I am just emotionaly worn out. Its like I just hit a wall and crashed and now I'm out wandering around. My boyfriend and I had been doing so badly for so long - and now that its over I am just emotionally stunned. A year and a half, the last six months of which have been full of so much hurt, and I just don't feel like reacting now that its over.
Ironically, the only person to really really get me and understand me, turns out to be the only man I've dated who didn't love me. Worst part is he didn't know why. There was nothing he 'disliked' about me. So now I know I'm the woman that isn't 'disliked' by people. That's a far throw from lovable. Maybe there HAS to be ripples in the water. Maybe the love/hate thing is more important than we all think.
At least my dad's genes kicked in. He cried about how he felt so bad for hurting me and I just stood there, looking rational. I could have said mean things and lashed out, but I just stood there.
He's so young. It boils down to different dating stages. He's dating to date, I'm dating to try people on for size. He's where I was at three years ago. Unfortunately, in three years when he's here, I will be in another place still.
Its sad because he really is the man I want - now I just need to find someone with the same values and views and priorities and loyalties and intelligence. |
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Posted by jules1984 on 2008-06-07 02:39:45 | Rating: | Views: 132
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good luck
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Posted by ffeeona
on 2008-06-11 09:08:51
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