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| Father-Daughter Relationship
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I was never good with kids, I mean, interacting with them. Maybe for me it takes a while for that kind of relationship, me and the kids, to get established. When I was a bachelor I ‘d never imagined that I would ever get married and have children. Well, perhaps at that age you don’t get to think about it until you’re hooked with someone and day by day you grow in that relationship.
Anyway, I got married to a really wonderful and beautiful girl in 1990. And when she was pregnant with our first child I really wondered, at the time, how my child would look, how she would turn out to be.. pretty, ordinary, pudgy, average looking? Would I know how to relate to her, and so forth, that’s what was going on in my mind at certain times.
Well, when our first child, a girl, was born she was really, really sweet. The second child, also a girl, was born after a year and a half. So there, we had 2 sweet little girls, or babies then, and during that time I was feeling eager for the day when I could really talk to them and they would reciprocate. I would imagine the day I could go out with them and have a dialogue, knowing what’s on their mind, talking about common issues, stuff like that. But all they could muster up were just baby words.
As time flies they began to speak a few words here and there, imitate new words, trying to form sentences, but nowhere near proper dialogue. But that was good enough for me because I was really excited that I was able to interact with them, even if the scope was somewhat limited.
When they started primary schooling, they would listen to us whenever we advise them on everything. When they were naughty or too playful I would put up a stern front and command them to behave. When things got out way of hand I would shout at them and instantly peace and quiet would fill the air, but certainly not their hearts.
Well, things are different now that they are in their teens, 16 & 17. Relationships tend to get a little more complicated. And when complications come in and things get heated up dialogue with them gets harder to establish. I’ve stopped shouting at them 2 years ago after they gave me the silent treatment each time I shouted at them. I also stopped scolding them like how I used to when they were little. They would naturally interpret my actions for lack of understanding in their problems and still treating them like little kids.
Here’s where tact and creativity comes in handy. A few years ago I started to think about how I could improve in my relationship with my girls. I came down to their level and started to make an effort to get interested in their hobbies, for example, their taste of music. I used to dislike the modern music like pop rock and rap, and all those MTV hits. But for the sake of my girls I pushed aside my feelings and actually made an effort to at least try to enjoy those kind of music. And presto! I found myself actually liking them! I would talk to them about those kind of songs, who are the singers and so forth. I began to take interest in their lives, such as issues regarding their friends, sharing ideas and jokes, in the computer games that they’re currently playing, etc.
All these really help in building a healthy relationship with them, and break down the age gap barrier. I strongly believe the onus is on parents to let their pride down and get leveled with the children in order for both children and parents to grow together, instead of each party growing separately.
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Posted by jthomas on 2008-04-10 11:27:33 | Rating: | Views: 85
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hey...the effort you have given is just sooo clear in ur post...i hope that all fathers sit up and really think about interacting with their kids...it helps a great deal-Trust Me.
your daughters are lucky to have a considerate and sensitive father like u
Way To Go..!!!
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Posted by Thinkin
on 2008-04-11 07:30:20
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Thanks Gwatlan, Thinkin. Sometimes I'm not considerate and sensitive enough but the minute my actions cause them some hurt in feelings I check myself immediately and regretted my outburst and later find some ways to make up.
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Posted by jthomas
on 2008-04-11 21:25:52
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