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Ok. Back from class now. It went well. They usually do when I actually show up to them. It's the getting the energy to get up and go to them that blows.
My english professor kind of ignores me. I'll answer a question and she doesn't react to it. She'll just say "Yes, very good" and move on. She asks all the other people to explain their answer or opinion, but with me, she blows me off. I feel a little resentful. Does my opinion not matter? Cuz I tell you, it does. I have a lot of things to say (hence the blog). Insightful and moving things. Well, maybe not so moving, but relevant and well-thought out. Maybe I'm a bit of a show-off but I want to voice those things and show that I have a brain of my own. I want my classmates to know that I'm no dummy. Maybe that's not showing off. Maybe that's just me trying to be me. I'm intelligent. I have very good grammar (for the most part). I have a very nice speaking voice, according to my Grandma. I want to be heard when I'm in class. You know, when I actually show up.
Also there's this really cute guy that I sit next to. His name is Andrew. He kind of has that whole cute-nerd-musician thing going on. I kinda want to impress him with my personality, wit and humor. I can't do that if she's not going to let me talk for more than one sentence. And I'm too damn chickenshit to just strike up a conversation.
Errrrr! I am so not good at talking to boys. Well, boys that I don't know well. I can talk fine to my friends. Well for the most part anyway. There's this one guy that I'm friends with that I've had a crush on forever. Since we graduated from highschool, though, I haven't seen much of him at all. But when we did talk, I could carry on a normal convo, but I could never flirt. I was nearly in love with the guy and I couldn't show him even the smallest bit how I felt. I must have a serious fear of rejection. I think it's because all the guys in the past who found out that I like them have...recoiled from me. Not in a "Oh gross, I would never date her" kind of way. But yea sort of like that. Why else would they react that way?
I'm not too bad to look at. You know, I'm a little on the heavy side but it's not like I'm obese. I could just use a little less poundage, that's all. But I'm not an ugo. I have a pretty face, all freckly and symmetrical and what not. I like my eyes, blue but sometimes they look grey which is kind of cool. I hate my hair, though. It's a very mousy brown. I call it the color of dirt. It's kind of dull. I get blonde highlights to make it shine a little. I can't do anything with it. It won't hold a curl for more than 3 minutes. It's too thin. If my hair and body could trade thickness, I would be all set. But you know, other than that, I'm an ok looking gal. So why do I feel like I'm repulsing boys.
I just need to get over myself. I just have to start a conversation. So what if it doesn't end with him falling in love with me. At least I'll have made a friend. And then, later, I can make him fall in love with me.
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Posted by jrixon on 2007-10-17 14:24:07 | Rating: | Views: 101
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i may only be 13 but i know what you mean i have been friends with this guy for 5 or 6 years and i can talk to him hang with him and stuff and i have this huge crush on him so when it comes to flirting not so good at that! but talking to guys is soo easy for me though even guys i just met, but im not so good with the boyfriend, flirting thing. i am probably the biggest tomboy ever 99.9 percent of my friends are guys i have like 2 really good friends that are girls and i just like hanging with guys its like my nature..so dont be sad ur not the only one girl
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Posted by sk8er_grl22
on 2007-10-17 21:17:59
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