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Have you have been torn between 2 things in life? Well, it seems like right now that is where I am all the time and its in every aspect of my life. It's all so exhausting!
-Staying home with my daughter who seems to be doing well or going back to work with my students who haven't seen me in a week. I totally trust my sub and associates, but wonder how the students will react to my return.
-Taking the nap that my body longs for or playing tea party that my daughter longs for.
-Feeding my daughter chips (like she wants) or following the strict diet the doctor has her on...which does NOT include chips.
-Not intruding on the school day for my son, even though i would love to just sit there (as a fly on the wall) and find out what is causing his terrible out bursts at home and at school.
-Wanting to do the right thing for my friend who asked me to do one thing when my heart and mind want to do a completely different thing.
-Staying where i am, or striving to be the person I can be.
-Learning to take control of my life, including feelings, or continue to let others have control of them.
-Eating the food that tastes so yummy or the food that is going to help shed those pounds away.
-Continue to learn how to forgive myself for the past or shut it all back down and continue to live under a mask of shame.
-Be with those I can be vs. those I can't be...and learning how to live without those I can't.
-Letting my daughter eat in the living room because then i can monitor what she is eating (or not eating) or deciding if i really want to clean up the mess when it hurts her throat and she doesn't want to eat it and drops it on the floor.
-trying to go back to church after a time away because I want to or trying to go back to church because that is what i should be doing.
-not letting some people come into my classroom and think they can just take over what i've done for 2 years or let them walk all over me and make me continue to feel miserable.
-deciding whether my dog really does feel better which is why she is going up and down the stairs, jumping on my bed or the couch, or if the medicine she is on is giving her that illusion and I should be a little bit more pushy about making her lay down.
*This list could go on and on I'm afraid. I'm tired from the what if's and pray that someday some infinite wisdome hits me and I know the answers to them...at least some of them.
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Posted by jringwald on 2008-03-10 12:26:53 | Rating: | Views: 45
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