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It's a Sunday...and even that's hard work...

I went to bed almost an hour after my family did last night and sometimes it's not always a good thing. My mind starts wandering and I start to let the pressure of the past take hold. I can feel it pressing down on my chest and I regret so much. How did I let it happen? How did I let them go? Why did I take the class when I want to grieve her? How could I hurt my son so much? How did I let them win?

But after a few brief tears, I take a deep breath and realize I will probably always have those feelings. The difference is I let myself feel the pain but now I also am able to snap out of it as well.

This morning we all walked in the Especially for You walk against breast cancer. It was the first time men were allowed to go and it was very humbling to have my husband and kids with me after Joe's mom fought and won her battle a few years ago.

There were over 10000 people walking this year and it's amazing the memories I've made since I started. One year I walked with Sharon at a record setting pace. One year I walked with Melissa. One year it rained and they had to cancel it. Two years it was so called that we nearly froze and then there was today. A new memory was made as Jackson walked the whole thing and Joy walked two and a half miles of it.

After a quick breakfast at Country Kitchen we got ready and went to our neighbors church with them. It was so different then the church I have gone to since I was born, but change I am learning is not always a bad thing. It was totally huge, but the kids loved the kids part and we loved the idea that there was not that much expected of us...as in...they bring everything to us in the pews. I'm not sure it's where we will go permanently, but it's a step in the changes we NEED to make to move on.

When we returned home we worked in the yard and then walked the kids to the park where we played football together. It was fairly fun!

Tonight we celebrated the Ringwald's birthday's with pizza and cake. It's weird being there...but I'm strong enough to do it now. It's one of those things that Linda and I talked about...that some people can't deal with facing those who hurt them. We'll I have to prove that statement wrong. And man do i hope that I did!

I know that the only person I have to prove anything to is myself...but damn do I wish someday I could show someone else that I am working my tail off. I am slipping now and then, but when climbing a mountain there's bound to be adjustments.