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Her mystery...a story

     She woke up from a dream last night. The kind that makes your heart beat faster and your breathing a bit more labored. She could remember how the last moment felt, but could not convince her mind to replay it again.
     She's been living like this for days now and she wondered how many more nights her dreams would haunt her, like he has for months now. She lay awake with her sleeping baby beside her and she made her breathing become as gentle and calm as his. She stared off into the darkness as if searching for the answers of why she was alone. She had her beautiful boy, the light of her life, the reason for her to get up everyday, but as for men in her life, she had always made the wrong choice and a year ago she did it again.
     His first response when he found out she was pregnant was denying he was the father. His second wonderful piece of advice was “get rid of it.” She cried and cried until she believed she truly could be without this amazing life growing inside of her.
     She made an appointment with the clinic and missed the first one due to getting lost. She called to apologize and got specific directions this time and a re-scheduled appointment. She over slept that day and missed her appointment again. When she told him about missing the appointment he slapped her hard across the face to remind her that he was in charge and he was “having nothing to do with another man’s baby, even if she believes it’s his.” The third time she made the decision to just get this over with so she could remain with him, the man who takes care of her. He makes the decisions so she doesn’t have to think about them.
      He really does love her. He tells her the only reason he hits her is because he loves her. And she believes him. He is the only man who has remained longer than a couple of nights of hard fast sex. The others tell her what she needs to hear and then leave her silently in the middle of the night to return to their wives whom they say will “never compare to her”.
     Her baby takes a deep breath and it brings her back to the darkness in the room. She has a gun lying in the drawer beside her, her answer in a heartless world. The shelter she is living in would kick her out in a heart beat if they knew she has that with her, but she would never feel safe with someone else pretending to protect her and her son. He is a part of her and she will never allow anyone to hurt him, especially the man who provided the sperm, but nothing else to become his father.
     She gets up out of bed to look out the window. She’s not sure what she’s looking for in the street light, but as she leans her head against the window frame, she is finally able to push the dream aside and concentrate on the tasks ahead.
     She’s been hiding in plain sight for months now, since the day he found out she did not abort the baby and beat her to the point of hospitalization and a drug induced coma while the doctors determined the extent of her injuries and that of her baby. Until that time, she had no prenatal care for fear he would find out her secret. The baby was tiny, but what a fighter. He continued to thrive inside the body of his sleeping mommy for a couple more weeks until the doctors determined this champ was ready to see the world and they needed to bring his mommy back to life.
      Through a c-section, this brown haired, wrinkled mass, entered the world at 4lbs 2 oz, at 32 weeks with a loud wail. His mother missed this moment and his first feeding, his first breath, his first diaper, and his first coo.
     As she turned around from the window and looked at his soft face, she vowed that she would never again miss a moment of his life. He was her life and she loved him more than anything or anyone else in the world. She would make sure that no one would ever hurt him as she had been hurt.

     Which is why, when the letter was found, next to both of their bodies, no one could understand why she did it. The gun was still in her hand, her baby wrapped in the other. Murder/suicide the papers had read. How sad they had said.
     And for once, she was a peace.