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I screwed up...can you believe it? i screwed up a date on a conference notice and I have heard it over and over and over. I feel terrible as I put other people out, but do they not ever make a mistake? It's all so frustrating. I had to admit it to my principals which is really hard to do...as I don't give myself the luxary of being wrong. In this world, this life, I am not allowed to make errors...at least that is how I've tried to live for 31 years and look where it got me.
I went to the doctor today and I did lose 2 and a half pounds. It was not the 30 I was hoping for (ha ha) but I guess its a start. We had a long discussion and I'm going back on the higher dose of medicine at least for awhile. I don't know how I feel about that yet. Good or bad? Happy or sad? I told someone today that its not what i want to do, but I guess its the right thing to do.
Does anyone really know what depression is anyway? I can tell you that there are days that getting out of bed feels like the worst kind of pain there is in the world. Like if I have to take one more step, talk to one more person, or deal with one more issue I am going to just curl up in a ball. Does everyone feel like that or is that just me? I just wish that I could make it all right and I got to chose the life that feels right, but the world has a different idea for me.
There are things in this life that just don't make that much sense to me. Why doesn't God show me the right path instead of teasing saying..ha ha...you have to guess and you might guess wrong. (in life, work, kids, relationships) My fear is that just as the conference date was wrong, I will probably guess wrong too. Maybe its part of the game He plays because i know its a game we all play down here. In my Bible study this week we discussed that maybe even the Garden of Eden could have been a game to God. What a life we lead!
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Posted by jringwald on 2008-01-25 16:15:54 | Rating: | Views: 40
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