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Did I win or lose?

Church...

I've tried to get the nerve to go back to church for awhile and yet the fear of being ignored or people saying things to me that I in NO way want to deal with again is just to strong. i have talked to Linda about this and she agreed that is probably time that I just do what I can which can look like one of two things.
1. deciding on a day to day basis that I can be there OR
2. find a new church.

I thought about a lot since our conversation and have decided that I will try day by day. With Joe golfing this morning, going to church and Sunday School was going to be totally left up to me and I thought I was ready for the challenge.

I started a full hour before it was time to go prepping Jackson and yet it was a full hour of fighting and arguing before I asked for help. Joe had gotten done golfing early and said I could take Joy to Sunday School and he would take care of Jackson (which then turned into another fight because Jackson wanted to go with me...didn't realize that as he fought me so much)

After a long time AND being late for Sunday School we got there and Joy started coloring with sidewalk chalk and Jackson would not. Joy was crying because she wanted Jackson to color with her. They ate ice cream and then Jackson got mad because there was not games as the letter said there would be. The kids all went over to the playground to play and next thing we know, Jackson is back and Joy is there crying because he won't stay with her.

Joe and I talked with Linda about how not good it felt to be there at Sunday School, but we were determined to try it. We walked all together over to the playground and I talked with Dave and then watched Joy fall from the monkey bars straight onto her head. More crying...

I started doing a quick assessment of her and she had a giant bump on her head. Now, this sounds so stupid, but not a single person came over to see if she was okay. What a bunch of great church goers...aren't they suppose to be able to put away selfish things to check on the well being of others...or was that just my christian education? Anyway, I made a decision that Joy needed ice on her head as the bump was quite large and quite red...which meant leaving church.

So after all the fighting and arguing I was the one who said enough is enough and left. Did I give in to soon and not take control I should have and fight to stay OR was I just taking care of my daughter? I'm not sure anymore.