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A wealth of emotions today as i found out about the grant that my school was going after. We did not get the grant, which makes me happy to know that things are not going to change as radically as they would if we would have gotten the grant. I get to keep my associates. i'm thrilled.
However, then my principal, the writer of the grant, called and she was near tears because we didn't get it. I feel so bad for her that i didn't quite know what to say. Then I'm gone for two days and don't know what will happen while I'm gone. Will she be more upset when I get back? Will things be better when i return? Will it be worse?
Then, I have been asked if I want to meet with my pastor for more counseling. I already go to a counselor I don't want to go to. I really liked my last one and I wish I would have been strong enough to tell her I wanted to stay instead of being a wuss and let her pass me on like i didn't mean anything. One of the things I suck at is standing up for myself and I know that has a lot to do with what I need to be working on. Of course, it seems like when I try to stand up for myself I get shot down like it doesn't matter.
Which leads me back to meeting with my pastor. I don't want to do this work anymore. But if I don't meet with her, am I hurting myself or protecting myself.
I am tired of fighting and never winning.
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Posted by jringwald on 2008-06-09 23:09:49 | Rating: | Views: 51
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