| View Blog
|
|
| nothing can hurt this much can it
|
|
|
hi, i have loads to say loads on my mind and i am glad that i have a forum to write my thoughts. I have been married for just over a year now and i feel like things are just going down the pan. I think for ou to understand my story you need to know about my relationship from the beginning.
Its hard to know where to start so i'll start at the beginning. my blog would be an ever long blog so I'll do parts.
This is Part 1.
I used to be in love with a guy. he was the love of my life. He had everything that i desired ffrom a partner and i really thought that we would be together forever.
One day ot all came to an end as he fell in love with someone else whilst waiting for his studies to finish. Its funny this person was his best friend someone who i felt completely comfortable with him going to visit, staying over as her daughter was his goddaughter. This person had been friends with him since he was 12 years old. Aparently he had always like her but she had never approached him or him her and whilst we were dating he had never said that he had had feelings for her in the past ( this would have sounded warning bells to me)....
Anway as he comes close to finishing his postgradute studies and whilst he told me that he loved me and that we would get married but he has to finish his post grad studies first, she told one of her friends that she was interested in him.
From that time he stopped talking to me. He stopped calling me and didn't answer any of my calls. We had been dating for 7 years and he began to treat me like that.
One morning i woke up and refused to have him treat me that way even though i loved him so much i decided to call it a day becuase i was having dreams and everything about him seeing someone else.
Anyway an early morning call later and we had broke up, after him telling me that he had liked this girl for 12 years but thought she as unobatainable so never asked. So basically when he found out that she liked him he dumped me.
I was devastated at that time i seriously thought i was going to die. I became depressed and felt suicidal it was that bad. I barely looked after myself, i ate take out food, i didn't wash myself and i didn't clean my house i just sat at home crying. Even now i get tearful when i think about this time becuase it hurt me so much. The worst thing was the silence because we were best friends when we broke i lost my best friend in the world. And even though i don't love him any more. I still feel angry about it and i can't understand why, why he treated me that way. Sometimes i feel like ringing him up and shouting at him and asking him If he knows what he did to me, he's there in his happy life with his wife, step daughter and their new baby not realising that i am still trying to deal with the hurt he caused and i feel like blaming him for all the crap that is going on in my life now I am angry becuase i can't understand why he treated me the way he did. The him telling me he was going to marry me etc etc and making me love him the way i did and then leaving me for someone who i thought he was just friends with And for making me have such big issues with trust that so don't know who to trust anymore....
|
|
Posted by jordanntanna on 2008-01-14 17:02:37 | Rating: | Views: 72
|
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
i'm not a shrink but i think you need closure. you never got the chance to express all that you were feeling and you were left hanging literally. everyone needs closure to events, be it small ones or big ones. you could write him or email him or if you don't want to do that just write him a lette purging all the feelings you are having. then burn it. sometimes just writing down your thoughts helps tremendously. i learned that a long time ago. you could have some type of ceremony just for yourself when you burn the letter and then bury the ashes and even go so far to lay a flower on the site. sound silly? it works and right now you need something. take care
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-01-14 17:14:39
|
|
|
|
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
