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| Date Night |
Got a date tonight with the empty nest woman. She's very nice and cute. We're going to see a movie. A Christmas Carol with Jim Carey. I wanted to see The Fourth Kind but she said she doesn't handle scary movies very well. I hope she doesn't talk about her son so much tonight. I know she's depressed because the center of her universe for the last 18 years is now 100 miles away off to college. But I want to learn more about her.
It's still too early for me to get into a relationship but I do think about it a lot. I signed up on Match.com and have emailed a few matches. Been 4 days and I haven't heard any replies yet. Except for one who said no thanks. And I thought we were a pretty good match, better than the others. How long should it take someone to reply? How long should I wait before emailing them again? It's pretty discouraging. I'm a very sensitive person and I don't handle rejection well. I've had only 4 or 5 real relationships and they've all ended in heartbreak. And each time my heart gets a little more calloused.
To make matters worse my ex-girlfriend is on Match too and they keep matching us together. A 95% match! Just hilarious! And it pisses me off that her profile has descriptions of her ideal relationship and she describes exactly what I'm looking for too. But she was the one with trust issues. She was the one who wouldn't let me be me and when I stopped being me, complained that she didn't know who I was anymore. She said in her profile that she wasn't looking to be "smothered". When we were together every time
I wanted to do something by myself for myself she would say I wasn't committed to the relationship!
I'm tired of hearing from people that there's someone out there for me. That there's someone for everyone. It's so hard for me to believe that. I'm just an average looking guy with a pretty boring life. Who's going to be interested in that? I can't stop crying right now. 
I saw my counselor last night and he said I'm depressed because I'm not feeling well physically (been hacking and coughing for a week, could be H1N1) and I've been off my work out routine. Any little thing can trigger the tears. He's right. Why else would something so small like a rejection email from someone I don't even know make me feel this way?
I'm so lonely right now. I should be looking forward to my movie date tonight. I was but right now things just seem so hopeless.
I've got to get moving, get in the shower. I've wasted the morning watching TV and Internet surfing. Got to get some work done in the yard and head up to my dad's to help him get the dock out for the winter.
Jon
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