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Uber-Citified ~ Crossing the Road 101

One of the great things about living in a third-world metropolitan city is that everyday, you have a reason to thank God that you're still alive.

Yes. That's what I do every time I cross the road and successfully reach the other side. I breathe out a sigh of relief, check if all my body parts are still intact, breathe another sigh of relief, and then I say a silent prayer of thanksgiving for having once again survived the speeding vehicles of Metro Manila.

I'm no expert in crossing the road but I understand that there are certain guidelines to follow when attempting to get to the other side without being run over flat. These basic guidelines (as told to me by my father when I was still a cautious eight-year-old) are as follows:

Look first to the left. Make sure all vehicles are still very very far away from you.
Look to the right. Make sure all vehicles are still very very far away from you.
Double check. Make sure they're at least still very far away from you.
Take a stroll across the road until you get to the other side.

Now, that was good sound advice and I've pretty much applied it for the next ten or so years of my life. It worked well in my beloved hometown La Trinidad Valley.

But here, it just won't work.

First of all, vehicles are never far away from you. They're always running at the speed of light, eager to run you over.

Second, you can't just cross the road as if you're strolling in the park. You have to run. And no one cares if you're wearing three-inch heels. Run for your life.

From experience, observation and valuable input from friends, I will share with you the guidelines I have learned to abide by in order to succesfully cross the road.

#1 The smog-covered islands in the middle of the road aren't just decorations.

Two of my friends wanted to get on the other side of the road in order to buy their Starbucks coffees. The problem was that there were islands in the middle blocking their way. You'd think they would get the idea that those were placed there to try to keep people from committing suicide by recklessly running accross the highway, but nooooo....

They decided they'd just sprint across the friggin' island. When they arrived at the middle of the road, they realized that the island was higher than it looked from their side of the road. Never to be called quitters, they climbed the man-made structured studded with dead plants covered by smog. They did this wearing their business suits of course.

To their credit, they were able to reach the other side, buy their starbucks coffee and get back to work alive. They did good if you ignore the fact that they looked like idiots trying to climb those islands. (If ever the two of you read this, you guys know I love you , right?)

#2 Ignore both Pedestrian Lights and Pedestrian Lanes.

This rule is applicable only for certain places in Metro Manila. Like Crossing for example. I find it ironic that that place is called Crossing... maybe they already knew that crossing the road there would definitely be a challenge. The reason?

The pedestrian light turns green at the exact same time the traffic light turns green. It's a GO! for everyone.

There is only one rule I follow in cases like this and that is follow the crowd. Never cross alone. For some reason, vehicles find it unethical to run over a handful of people, but find it okay to run over mere individuals on their lonesome.

There are also cases when the green pedestrian light decides to light up at the exact same time the red pedestrian lights up. In this case, don't cross the road. Just stare. And hate the pedestrian light for not making up its mind on whether you should STOP or GO.

As for pedestrian lanes... well, are they ever clear enough to be seen? They're so faded that they just appear to be white splotches scattered across the road. If you can barely see them, how do you know the ten-wheeler truck's driver can? That's right. You don't. So in this case, it's always a risk. Run. Maybe you'll get to the other side in one piece.

#3 Be confident. Act like you own the road.

I was only in the city for more or less a month during that time and I was pretty much terrified by the idea of crossing the road. So everytime a car came toward me while I was crossing the road I would screech and be scared for dear life.

My friend, however, blew me away when we crossed the road together. All she did was raise her hand in a signal to stop the car running toward us without even looking at the car and then she glided across the road to the other side.

Yes, that works. Sometimes.

If it doesn't and the car begins to honk at you incessantly as a way of saying "Get off the road or you're dead!", do what I did. Scream, "Yes! I know! I hate you too!" The driver won't hear you anyway because the honking is soooo loud. It makes for a good excuse to scream your lungs out.

#4 It's a maze. Have fun. Find joy in the misery of the drivers.

There are also cases when crossing the road can be fun. This cases are when the traffic is so bad that the cars are barely moving. Crossing the road boils down to navigating around the trucks, buses, jeeps, taxis and cars in order to get to the other side of the road. It's like going through a maze, where you have a starting point and you need to decide the shortest way to get to the end point.

Just make sure that the traffic doesn't start moving while you're in the middle of the maze. Odds are that these drivers are so eager to get moving they won't even notice that you're there. Either you get squooshed or well, your eardrums burst at the loud, incessant honking of the bored and impatient drivers.

#5 Look for the hidden Overpass or Underpass. I'm sure there's one somewhere.

There are cases that crossing the road could be as simple as using an overpass or an underpass. You're generally safe from getting run over and finding yourself flat on the ground.

Of course, there are down sides to it.

First, you can't avoid climbing the stairs. It's excercise, which of course, may do you good.

Second, it's just like the goat crossing a bridge in one of those famous chidhood fables. There are trolls waiting. Yes. Pickpockets galore. Hold on to all your valuables.

Third, odds are the overpass/underpass are at least 200 meters away from where you are and another 200 meters away from the spot on the other side of the road that you want to get to. So you have to look for them.

While enduring the ridiculous tropical heat, walking around with no shade whatsoever, you have to keep your presence of mind and figure out how to make a 400-meter U-turn so you can get to other side of the road.

Of course, you could just choose to look like an idiot and climb the island in the middle of the road.

- o -

To end this excruciatingly long blog on an otherwise very simple topic, I will quote one of the oldest jokes of all time.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
To get to the other side!

The joke just seems to fit the topic. Toinx.

Posted by joie7170 on 2008-08-20 06:02:00 | Rating:

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		Nice! Thxs <3
Posted by Thegirl101 on 2008-01-09 20:43:23


		"The pedestrian light turns green at the exact same time the traffic light turns green. It's a GO! for everyone." - joie. Haha! These are the extreme days of our lives. At least there are still some traffic lights. Coz my situation right now is worse than worst. Before I go to work every morning, I have to cross that friggin one way street circling the city hall and for pete's sake these people just don't get it. The drivers believe that they all have the right to own the friggin road so they don't really care if they run you over, it's like a game of bumping against a trash can saying "yes, that's one down for me! one point for me!". Unfortunately for me, that god-forsaken road is my only ticket to all my destinations. Work is an ultimate stress vitamins, so after work the excitement and abuse of the brain cells won't still end until I go cross the same one-way road, and one avenue, and one street, and a "lansangan" and after those successful "Amazing Race" moments, I am fully drugged with more stress vitamins. If you're stuck in this city and you just wanna have some adventure, the highway or avenue or boulevard are the best places for you. Experience the best ride of your life! Come and visit Metro Manila, Philippines.
Posted by holie on 2008-01-11 03:50:01


		We were watching one of the worlds most amazing videos. It showed cars and traffic that never stopped and people mixed in it. I have no idea what country it was but it was CRAZY! I didn't know how the people didn't run over each other or how cars were turning into traffic! I was in awe of the confusion going on! If this is the same place your describing or even like it, I really feel for you and know your not kidding about being thankful to be alive!!! I'd say stop crossing, but I guess people have to get the Starbucks! So be careful and run like hell!
Posted by anotherdaze on 2008-08-20 09:09:42