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Well, this is my first public blog. Usually I write in my own private
journals. I have about nine of them. I figured, since I love to type, I
would give this a try. I find typing what I am thinking to be a bit
easier. I can type to the flow of my thoughts. Writing with pen and
paper, though I do enjoy the tradition, it doesn't really seem to be
all that great. I always get stuck on what to say. When I re-read them,
I seem stupid, and not to mention I can hardly read my writing
sometimes.
I use to have good penmanship, but after years of
having tourette's and jerking my arms and head, my writing has become
shaky, and disgusting.
Well anyway, I was born in Slidel, LA.
My family moved to Oklahoma where I grew up until I reached the age of
eight. That is when my parents got divorced. My brother, sister, mother
and I moved out of the house and down to Cleburne, TX to live with our
two "grandmothers", one of them actually being blood related. The other
one was Norma. A great and sweet woman and good companion to my
grandmother. Our mother found work eventually working for a family
friend who owned and operated an inkjet manufacturing company. A few
years later we moved to Arlington, TX in a house which at first was
what you could say as being over-charismatic. It was bright yellow with
the lover part being red all the way around. It looked as though a
giant from the sky threw up and bled all over it. The inside wasn't
much different. It took some years, of money of course, but we fixed it
up pretty nice. The value was raised and after a while it grew on all
of us. I always prayed I would be able to move out of the house. Now
that I have, I can't help but think how much I miss that house. Mother
says it will always be home. It's good to know.
Currently I am
living with two of my best friends. In fact, until not so long ago,
they were pretty much my only friends. There plenty more missing from
this story, but I won't go into detail. I'll just say these friends
never betrayed me. They were always there for me, even before I asked
them to. I tell them if ever they needed me, I am a phone call away.
But to tell the truth, I don't think I could ever help them. They know
about everything. And if they don't, they will learn. They will do what
it takes to fix things themselves. They are great christians who
understand God is by their side. I myself am Catholic and differ in my
theocracy from theirs.
Lately, I am been feeling a bit down.
I tried a few times to be uplifted; to think of the positive around me,
but I must say it is hard to do. My tourette's make me difficult to
live with, and my roommates are starting to show it more. I love them
so much, and I can not blame them for getting upset whenever I tap on
their things or tap on them.
I think they are trying to ignore all this, and in the process end up
ignoring me. I just tried to tell them something, but they were wrapped
up in something else my voice didn't even get heard. People tell me I
have a strong voice, when I am calm and breathing right that is, and
that it can carry. So its funny, mostly with my family, when I make
noises for no purpose or reason other than to let out the urge,
everybody stops and asks me to repeat myself, but when I actually have
something to say, about 80-85 percent of the time, nobody hears me.
Who am I to say that is wrong. If I have friends who are willing to
except me for what I am, then how could I get angry at the methods they
use to do so.
It must be today. I must be typing all this
because of what happened today at work. My current job is straight out
of hell. I work for FedexKinkos and must endure daily abuse from my
boss, co-workers, and even a lot of customers. I am a shipping
consultant and started with the company as a counter/register worker. I
moved up fast, but never got keyed in as the proper title for the
position I currently manage. So my pay is the same as it was two years
ago. I have been interviewing for another job, but so far zip. I refuse
to believe all I am good at is what I do now, and that is not even
anything to be proud of.
As I write this, I listen to my
roommates and our mutual friend Jacob as they discuss their technical
duties at their church. I believe they are performing some sort of
inventory control in our living room. This is Saturday, September 8,
2007. I had to work. I got home thinking I could relax and maybe take a
nap, which I never do. Maybe I am upset a little and for no good
reason. I mean, they have every right of bringing our friends over
here. But if I were planning to have someone over and perform some
major task, then I would have respect of their privacy and ask or tell
them before hand.
Listen to me, I am rambling on over
nothing. I had a major bad day and I am taking out my anger on my
friends. I don't like that. I love them way too much. Even if I don't
always show it, I love them. Still, I can't help but feel useless when
around them. Hell, they even told me my advice sucks and I should not
give it to them. Well, one of them flat out said that before, the other
one said it with body language. But then again, I am no forensic
psychology expert, and I shouldn't make that judgment.
Anyway, this is now my journal. I hope I can put it to good use. Until next time.
J.
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Posted by johnnysharp on 2007-09-08 18:10:09 | Rating: | Views: 98
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Well, I see that the syndrome does not affect your writing abilities.
Sounds as if you have some nice friends.
Some people like no form of advice, maybe your friend is one of them.
The truth hurts...and when we go looking for advice..we really only want to find someone who will agree with us.
Happy journaling.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-09-09 12:42:32
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Nice journal johnny. I like to type too and find it much easier to let my thoughts run and I can type faster than I can write. But I must admit do still write out in journals it's kinda therapeutic with pen or pencil on paper. It's good to write, I love it write mostly poetry but some articles too. God Bless
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Posted by AngelDaisy
on 2007-09-15 06:42:17
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johnnysharp
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