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I've been a single mom now for almost 6 months. My son is 8 months old and the best thing that has ever happened to me. My only regret is that his father doesn't understand what it means to be a dad. I'm 21 years old, I got pregnant at 19 and at that moment I realized what had to change. I grew up. I didn't party. I didn't hold random jobs, I made a life for myself and my son. I work 8-5 Monday - Friday. I get a decent paycheck every 2 weeks (woohoo tomorrow is payday) and I take care of my son.
The worst thing that you can do is pretend to want to be a father. Enjoying your son on the days he is in a good mood (which from his point of view is about once a week, if that often) does not count as spending time with him. Having him for 6 hours on Sunday because I beg you to let me have some time does not count as taking care of your son - don't get me wrong. Kudo's for stepping up and finally saying "Alright, bring him over" but then calling every hour to see when I'm going to pick him up kind of defeats that purpose.
I'm falling head over heals for a guy that I've been seeing for about a month now. I know I'm only 21 and I really haven't lived enough to experience anything, but he is someone that I want to be in my life forever. Even if we don't work out in a relationship, I would want him to be around as a friend. He is wonderful with Joey. Every time they are around eachother he has him laughing and giggling and playing. Its the most adorable thing I've ever seen.
But I think I've messed it up. There's a million different possibilities but I've narrowed it down to two. I told him about something that Scott gave to me outside of Joey (and no, I don't have AIDS or anything) and he said he was alright with it, but now he's definitely not acting how he used to. I think it scared him and he wants to put up the wall that guys do. He txted me and said "I'm falling in love with you and this doesn't change that at all" The other option is that I'm being too blunt with what I want. Yes, I tell him how much I care for him. Yes, I tell him how much I want to go to bed with him (and we haven't yet). Yes, I email and txt him througout the day. Is it too much? Do I need to back off? I guess the only person with this answer is going to be him, but I'm terrified to know. I would hate to think that what I had to share with him is something that is going to destroy our chance at a relationship.
Joey's pretty attached to him already. I love seeing them together. I can just picture what its going to be like when he's older and they are around eachother. Maybe he'll get the dad that he deserves (because lets face it, Dad is an earned title, not something that is just given to you).
I'm at work and unable to concentrate because I really want to know what is bothering my boyfriend. I'm such a shy person that I can't just ask "what's wrong" I mean, he sent me a text message earlier and it said he left work early (by about an hour) to go have a beer because his boss is pissing him off. I replied with "do i need to take a 15 and give you a call?" but he said no thank you. I'm not sure what's going on. He said to call when I get off work and now the time just will not pass. I want it to be 4:45 so I can get out of this place. Maybe I can convince my boss to let me get out of here a little bit early? I'm really not feeling all that well...
I don't know. I'll go back and think some more and see what I can figure out. Already called and checked on Joey, he's doing really well today. Didn't cry at all when I dropped him off at the babysitters. I'm so glad that he loves it over there - although it is a bit expensive at $190 a week.
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Posted by joeysmom on 2007-08-14 14:56:09 | Rating: | Views: 126
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I smiled a little to myself as I read your post. I was you long ago and far away... young with a baby whose father was a deadbeat and ready to get back in the game and find true love. Those were the good old days.
I thought the same things, made the same phone calls, and made myself available on every level. I thought that's what a man wanted... someone to adore him, and then he'd adore me back. What I didn't see was that my constant trying only made me seem clingy. I learned a little something that I'd like to pass on to you, and I do so with the utmost sincerity. You might not love it, but you will appreciate it.
When you plant a seed you can't, no matter how hard you try, make it bloom any faster than nature intends. You can water the soil 12 times a day, feed it fertilizer, slap it under a UV light, and dig it closer to the surface. All you'll succeed in doing is killing it. You may be anxious, but you have to wait for it. The same is true of a relationship. Over-attendance will surely kill it.
I know what it's like to feel the anxiety deep in your stomach. I know what it's like to want to spend every moment with someone...or at least talking to them. I know what it's like to want to give so badly. I also know that I've been on the receiving end of this mentality. Over many years I've learned that you have to take things slow and act a bit aloof. Your anxiety, while real to you, is not necessarily the same feeling somone else might have. Just breathe and be rational. Your feelings are internal and will haunt you whether you make them public or not. Save face and act cool and collected. WANTING to call him every hour is ok. Actually DOING it is another matter. Give him the opportunity to miss you a little. The old saying that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is so very true. Let him make the moves now and then. Wait for him to ask you to be there instead of magically appearing whenever you think he MAY want you.
It takes a lot of self control to not shout from the rooftops when you feel such love for someone, and god knows it causes a lot of inner turmoil. I promise you, though, that a little discretion is going to be better than a boat-load of expression! Good luck to you sweetie!
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Posted by himaintenance
on 2007-08-16 09:12:24
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