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| Not exactly what I had in mind... |
Ever had one of those moments when you just knew something good was going to happen?
Admittedly, it doesn't happen to me very often. But today it did.
I was driving along this morning when, all of a sudden, I had this almost overwhelming feeling that, before the day was over, some extraordinary event would occur that would significantly change my life for the better. It was so strong, in fact, that I actually wrote the date and time on my hand...
10:12 am
9/24
feeling of hope
I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the beautiful weather. Maybe it was the comedian on the radio. Or maybe it was the coffee...
Oh, coffee is my favorite thing;
In fact, it makes me want to sing!
Strong and black, iced or hot,
Coffee really hits the spot!
(Look for Coffee: The Musical, premiering on Broadway next summer...starring Erik Estrada as Juan Valdez...)
But, yet again, I digress.
So I'm having this really weird feeling of optimism when, no less than five minutes later, I get a phone call....from Almost Ex.
She was in a particularly foul mood, but, luckily, it wasn't at me. She needed a favor, actually, but even though I wasn't able to help, she didn't rant and rave at me--just to me. I can handle that.
Somehow I don't think that was my life-changing event--but it did make me stop and think.
While I was talking to her, at one point I couldn't help but think, "I can't believe I was married to this woman for 10 years." We're total opposites. She's loud, boisterous, extroverted, fun-loving...
And I'm, well...not.
I guess opposites do attract, as the old saying goes. Don't know if that's the recipe for a lasting relationship...but I guess it's fun for awhile, anyway.
But there was something else. I don't know exactly what it was--maybe I imagined it. But I thought I could hear something in her voice. Something familiar...
Please don't get me wrong. I know it's over. It's been over for a long time. And I honestly tried to put it back together, but it was too late. Too much mistrust, too many mistakes on both sides...
But I can't help thinking that maybe there's still something there. On both sides. Maybe it's just a familiarity that's the natural, residual effect of a long-term, intimate relationship. Maybe it's the fact that, despite what we might have done to hurt each other, we still have three beautiful children that will bond us together, to some extent, for the rest of our lives. Maybe it's just the fact that I miss what we once had, not necessarily who I had it with. I don't know.
Maybe I spend a little too much time in fantasy world, but I do wonder...if my favorite movie were based on reality, and if there really were a way to permanently remove any memory of a failed relationship, on both sides...would we naturally gravitate to each other, as we did before, and start the process over again?
Obviously, we'll never know. And that's probably for the better.
There is an interesting postscript, though...
As I've been writing this, I've also been having a nice chat with "rude girl" (who of course, turned out to be anything but). And I got a phone call this evening from "yacht girl" inviting me to a friend's birthday party this weekend.
Life-changing? Maybe not. But it lets me know that my surprisingly optimistic feelings this morning were justified. Who knows what'll happen next?
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Posted by joelbarish on 2008-09-24 22:31:59 | Rating: | Views: 149
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