its a litle earlier than normal here for me, well not normal, but earlier than normal as of late. my wife is still in bed with no plans of rising yet for a few hours. the dog woke me up this morning and rousted me from a dream that was consuming my attention. second time for this dream, its disturbing and it unsetteles me. i find myself not wanting to get up yet because i need to continue a conversation in my dream, a conversation that i hope with all my heart i never need to have. i am relived that my wife is next to me and i am  filled with emotions for her.  she is innocent and unwilling in life to partake in the adultry that is perpetuating itself in my dream. the story was the same, the players are generic but the emotions and turmoil were real, i feel a sence of confusion now that i am awake. the first dream was also one that i did not want to pull myself from, i wanted, or needed to play out the rest of the senario in my minds eye. i needed to have some kind of closure, a conclusion to the drama. the arangment was set and the players were there, i find a great sence of relief not recognizing any of the players in my dream aside from myself and my wife. the stakes, our fidelity and the limits of our youth. the first dream was equal both sides were going to be equaly guilty of debauchery. but this time i was to be left out. she was excited still and i was to wait patiently until everything was done. if i showed signs of anger or selfdestructive tendencies than i would not be acting fairly. now that i am awake and sitting here on the couch, i wonder how things would have played out. would my mind have allowed her to consumate the adultry and force my heart to watch? i can understand the dream and i can rationalize everything and control both the anger and jelousy that i feel. the confusion lingers though, what would have been the outcome and would i want to know, would i have been there helplessy watching the destruction of my marriage, or could i have forced my mind to turn away and not watch the trainwreck.
 on a lighter note i have dunkin doghnuts coffee waiting for me.