Thoughts.com Blogs - I HAVE NO HEART TO GIVE!!

          TO SOME OF YOU THIS MAY SEEM SO VERY STRANGE BUT FOR ME IT IS MY LIFE AND WHO I HAVE BECOME. I HAVE REALIZED THROUGH THE YEARS THAT I HAVE BECOME UNCAPABLE OF REAL TRUE LOVE. I CAN FEEL SOMETHING SO VERY STRONG FOR YOU BUT LOVE YOU, ITS JUST NOT IN ME. SEE MY HEART HAS BEEN BURNED SO MANY TIMES THAT IT NOW HAS A BLACK SPOT WHERE IT ONCE WAS. I DONT CRY OVER THINGS THAT CAN NOT BE CHANGED OR OVER THINGS THAT HAVE TO DO WITH REAL TRUE LOVE. I CRY OVER THE PAIN THAT IS THERE BECAUSE I FEEL NOTHING WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE FOR A MAN. I CAN CARE FOR THEM AND FEEL VERY STRONG FEELINGS BUT TO CALL IT LOVE I LAUGH IN ITS FACE.
    LOVE WHAT IS THAT? ITS A GAME, A TOY PEOPLE PLAY WITH AND THROW IN THE TOY BOX WHEN THEY ARE DONE. SOMETHING USED TO PREY ON THE WEAK. THERE IS APART OF MY HEART LEFT I STORED IT IN MY SOUL FOR SAFE KEEPING ITS ALL I HAVE LEFT AND I GAVE IT TO MY CHILDREN. I CAN NOT SHARE IT WITH ANYONE FOR I WILL NOT TAKE FROM MY KIDS. I WILL USE WHAT IS LEFT AND MAKE SURE ALL ITS POWER IS DIRECTED AT MY WONDERFUL CHILDREN. THIS IS NO JOKE NOT A LAUGHING MATTER THIS IS WHO I AM. YES I AM MARRIED AND I GAVE HIM ALL THAT I AM, I HAVE HAD TO USE THOSE EMPTY WORDS BECAUSE IT IS WHAT IS EXPECTED OF ME BEING HIS WIFE. HE LOVES ME HE SAYS, AND I SAY I LOVE YOU TOO BUT WHAT I SHOULD BE SAYING IS I CANT LOVE YOU BUT I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH YOU AND CARE SO DEEPLY FOR YOU.
         I SHOULD LET HIM GO AND LET A WOMAN HAVE HIM WHO CAN LOVE HIM AS HE LOVES THEM BUT I CAN NOT FOR, I PRAY ONE DAY MY HEART WILL GROW AND I CAN PUT IT BACK WHERE IT BELONGS. ITS NOT BECAUSE A MAN BROKE MY HEART THERE ARE MANY REASONS TO WHY I HAVE LOST MY HEART. A PUNISHMENT IF YOU WILL FOR ALL THE WRONG AND STUPIED THINGS IN MY LIFE I WAS DOING. TO SHOW ME HOW MUCH I AM CAPABLE OF HURTING SOMEONE AND MAKE ME SEE ME FOR WHO I AM. I WILL TELL THE WORLD I LOVE HIM BUT TO BE 100% TRUE ITS NOT IN ME ITS NOT WHAT I DO. i HATE WHAT I THINK I FEEL BUT ONCE I SIT BACK AND LOOK AT IT I CAN NEVER LOVE SOMEONE WITH MY HEART. ITS ALL IN MY MIND AND IN WHAT I SEE. SO WHEN I SAY I GAVE MY HEART ITS A LIE I JUST GAVE WHAT I HAVE AND THAT IS MY EMPTY WORDS AND MY LIES.
   YOU MAY THINK I AM JUST A HATEFUL WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN HURT BY TO MANY MEN BUT I PROMISE YOU THIS, WHATEVER THE REASON THOSE WORDS I LOVE YOU ARE MY SIN!!!