Thoughts.com Blogs - BROKEN MOTHERS WORDS

         I SAT AND THOUGHT ABOUT YOU TODAY, I WONDERED WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WITH YOUR HAIR, HOW YOUR SCHOOL WORK IS. I WONDERED IF YOU ARE HAVING BOY ISSUES AND IF YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE GETTING ALONG.
         I SAT AND CRIED TODAY. I CRIED BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HERE, BECAUSE I MESSED UP. I CRIED BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL HATE ME AND YET NOTHING I WILL HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU WILL FIX IT. I CRIED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND YOU HAVE NO PROOF OF THAT.
         I SAT AND TALKED ABOUT YOU TODAY. I TALKED ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ME, AND HOW I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO BE THERE WHEN YOU GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL. I TALKED ABOUT THE MESSED UP SITUATION I GOT US IN AND HOW I FOUGHT SO HARD TO GET OUT OF IT AND LOST. I TALKED ABOUT YOUR HEART AND THE PEOPLE YOU CALL PARENTS. I TALKED ABOUT THE DAY YOU WERE BORN AND THE DAY YOU WERE TAKEN FROM ME.
          I DREAMENT ABOUT YOU TODAY. I WAS DREAMING I SAW YOU EVEN JUST FOR A SEC. I WAS DREAMING I SPOKE TO YOU AND YOU KNEW WHO I WAS. I WAS DREAMING YOU HUGGED ME AND SAID I LOVE YOU, AND HOW YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME AND I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU. I DREAMED YOU CALLED ME MOM AND HELD ME SO TIGHT. I DREAMED AND DREAMED AND WANTED TO NEVER WAKE UP.
        I PRAYED FOR YOU TODAY. I PRAYED YOU WILL STAY HEALTHY AND SAFE. I PRAYED YOU WILL ONE DAY FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME. I PRAYED YOU ARE TAKEN CARE OF AND NO HARM WILL EVER COME OVER YOU. I PRAYED YOU WILL GROW TO BE A STRONG WOMAN AND UNDERSTAND A YOUNG MOTHER WAS IN A BAD WAY. I PRAYED FOR YOU TODAY TO BE ALL THAT I KNOW YOU WILL BE AND TO NEVER HAVE TO MAKE THE CHOICES I DID. I PRAYED FOR YOU TODAY..
          I APOLOGIZED TO YOU TODAY. i APOLOGIZED FOR THE WAY I WAS AND THE THINGS I DID. I APOLOGIZED FOR NOT TRYING HARDER AND NOT MAKING IT RIGHT. I APOLOGIZED FOR BEING A BAD MOTHER AND NOT UNDERSTANDING THE ROLE. I AM SO SORRY SO SO SORRY FOR NOT BEING THE WOMAN I SHOULD OF BEEN. I AM SORRY FOR LEARNING TO LATE AND ALWAYS TRYING TO FIND AN EASY WAY. I AM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING AND NOT BEING THERE LIKE A REAL MOTHER WOULD AND SHOULD. I AM SORRY SO SORRY FOR BEING ME AND NOT BEING YOUR MOMMY!!!