So I called ash yesterday and basically said we cant be friends I still feel for you and I cant stand being around you as just a friend knowing your going home to someone else tonight. Yes I KNOW this is very selfish. Im basically saying: "You were able to move on quickly and become happy in a new relationship while I still cant get over how much I fucked up and lost you." Believe me, I tried everything, this was a last resort. I waited weeks thinkning that time would heal it real quick. Since we stated talking again over the weekend...i just couldnt handle it. I was going out of my mind when she wasnt around. Thinking about her and this alex kid together while Im alone in my room was just too much. I have to say that she was being selfish too. She was in effect saying: "Yea I know you still are crazz about me but I want you to deny your feelings and just be my friend. All the while Im going to wear extra skimpy tops, talk about how sexy I am, and comment about how AMAZED I am that ou havent looked at my chest this entire time weve been talking." Not a healthy friendhsip. I was just getting a high from her bieng around. She used me for constant attention.

Why my heart still aches SO bad is that I have for sure killed any hope of getting back with her. Then again, who knows maybe she'll marry this alex kid, or maybe she'll never get back into me, how long can I keep up a facade of just friendship???

Well its done now.

any thoughts on my thoughts?

Did i act immaturly? (i know i cant spell it at least)\

was I justified in trying to protect my sanity?

please! any thoughts